Why am i alive

I wake up already tired of breathing air  
Like every inhale’s just proof there’s nothing there  
Put my hand on my heart  just to check for a beat  
But it’s quiet—like a grave buried under me  

I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel pain  
I just exist in a the in between   
Not alive enough to fight or break  
Just stuck in a body I can’t escape

They ask me how I’ve been, I say “I’m doing great”
Practice every word like it’s a scripted line
If they saw the truth behind my empty eyes
They’d hear silence screaming from the other side

Cut me open, you won’t find a thing  
No pulse, no fire 
Just a hollow space where a soul should be  
An echo of who I was supposed to be  
I laugh on cue, keep the room alive  
While something in me quietly dies  
If I showed the truth, I’d make them blue  
So I bury it deeper… just to comfort you

I don’t cry, I don’t break, I don’t even shake  
It’s like my body forgot how to ache  
And that’s the worst part—I wish it would hurt  
At least then I’d know I’m still in the dirt  
I look at my hands and they don’t feel mine  
Like I’m watching someone else’s life  
Every memory feels second-hand  
Like I’m fading out of who I am

And I hate that I’m good at pretending I’m fine  
Got the timing, the tone, every scripted line  
I can joke, I can laugh, I can play the role  
While there’s nothing left behind my eyes at all 
If numbness had a sound, it’d be this silence  
A high-pitched ringing dressed up like compliance  
Like something’s screaming but it can’t get through  
Like I’m locked in a body I never grew into  
I tried to dig deep just to find a spark  
But I only found more layers of dark  
And now I’m scared if I peel it back—  
There was never a “me” to bring back  

If numbness had a sound, it’d be this silence  
A high-pitched ringing dressed up like compliance  
Like something’s screaming but it can’t get through  
Like I’m locked in a body I never grew into  
I tried to dig deep just to find a spark  
But I only found more layers of dark  
And now I’m scared if I peel it back—  
There was never a “me” to bring back

If I disappeared, would they even know?
Or just miss the version I put on show?
I scream in silence, but it never bleeds
Guess even my pain’s got no life in me

Reverb rap depressing beat