Why am i alive

I wake up already tired of breathing air

Like every inhale’s just proof there’s nothing there

Put my hand on my heart just to check for a beat

But it’s quiet—like a grave buried under me

I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel pain

I just exist in a the in between

Not alive enough to fight or break

Just stuck in a body I can’t escape

They ask me how I’ve been, I say “I’m doing great”

Practice every word like it’s a scripted line

If they saw the truth behind my empty eyes

They’d hear silence screaming from the other side

Cut me open, you won’t find a thing

No pulse, no fire

Just a hollow space where a soul should be

An echo of who I was supposed to be

I laugh on cue, keep the room alive

While something in me quietly dies

If I showed the truth, I’d make them blue

So I bury it deeper… just to comfort you

I don’t cry, I don’t break, I don’t even shake

It’s like my body forgot how to ache

And that’s the worst part—I wish it would hurt

At least then I’d know I’m still in the dirt

I look at my hands and they don’t feel mine

Like I’m watching someone else’s life

Every memory feels second-hand

Like I’m fading out of who I am

And I hate that I’m good at pretending I’m fine

Got the timing, the tone, every scripted line

I can joke, I can laugh, I can play the role

While there’s nothing left behind my eyes at all

If numbness had a sound, it’d be this silence

A high-pitched ringing dressed up like compliance

Like something’s screaming but it can’t get through

Like I’m locked in a body I never grew into

I tried to dig deep just to find a spark

But I only found more layers of dark

And now I’m scared if I peel it back—

There was never a “me” to bring back

If numbness had a sound, it’d be this silence

A high-pitched ringing dressed up like compliance

Like something’s screaming but it can’t get through

Like I’m locked in a body I never grew into

I tried to dig deep just to find a spark

But I only found more layers of dark

And now I’m scared if I peel it back—

There was never a “me” to bring back

If I disappeared, would they even know?

Or just miss the version I put on show?

I scream in silence, but it never bleeds

Guess even my pain’s got no life in me