She Gets The Ending

I gave her my name once

just spelled differently

She says the things I think at 2am

stands in the ruins I still can’t look at yet

every scar I buried deep inside

somehow ends up written in her lines

I change the details

move the years around

but pain still sounds like pain

even dressed up now

and every chapter feels a little too real

for something I swear I made up myself

If she cries first

then maybe I can too

if she survives it

maybe I make it through

So I hide inside fictional worlds

inside the eyes of another girl

give her my heartbreak

let her speak for me

cause truth feels safer

when it’s fantasy

and every page becomes somewhere

I can finally breathe again

if it hurts her instead of me

I can pretend

I’m healing

oh-oh

pretend I'm healing

yeah-yeah

through her feelings

I write her stronger than I’ve ever been

still she carries all the weight I’m living with

every goodbye I never got to say

ends up somewhere in the words she gave away

and people read her

like she’s only fiction

while I’m sitting there

trying not to listen

cause they don’t know

every scene she’s in

started somewhere underneath my skin

I split myself

between her heart and mine

close enough to feel it

far enough to survive

So I hide inside fictional worlds

inside the soul of another girl

give her my silence

let her scream for me

cause pain looks prettier

inside a dream

and every page becomes somewhere

I don’t have to break again

if she carries all my memories

I can forget

for a minute

Maybe that’s why

I keep writing her story

cause she gets endings

I still don’t believe in for me

she gets loved softly

she gets chosen

she gets seen

while I’m still learning

what any of that means

So I hide inside fictional worlds

but lately the lines are starting to blur

cause every part of her

came from somewhere true

and maybe saving her

is teaching me to save myself too

and every page I leave behind

feels like pieces of my life

turned into something beautiful enough

to survive

It’s fiction

(isn’t it?)

…then why does it hurt like memory?