[Verse 1]
I wrote a song ‘bout all the things
I thought I’d miss someday
Your smile, your laugh, the late-night talks
The memories that stayed
Then halfway through I scratched it out
The list got way too long
Turns out the things that stuck with me
Were all spectacularly wrong
[Pre-Chorus]
So here’s a toast to unforgettable nights…
Just maybe not for the reasons you’d like.
[Chorus]
Here’s what I’ll never forget!
The greatest hits of “What the heck?”
You wet the bed, I tried to help…
You yelled at me instead!
Three-and-a-half-hour road trip, wow!
Just to dump me… thanks somehow.
If this was love, then Hollywood
Needs a serious rewrite now!
[Verse 2]
You swore you wouldn’t start that fire
Then handed me the hose
Said, “Can you fix the mess I made?”
Like that’s just how it goes
We made a boundary, nice and clear
You nodded, “Yep, I know.”
First chance you got, you tossed it out
Like, “Rules? Oh, those?”
Getting ready for your little girl
Wanted everything just right
You said, “Nah, I just guessed some stuff.
Kids all kinda like… Sprite?”
[Chorus]
Here’s what I’ll never forget!
The scrapbook’s looking pretty set!
You broke my hangers, slapped my phone…
Interior design, I guess?
Six whole hours with my car!
Couldn’t answer? That’s bizarre.
NASA talks to astronauts
With better service than you are!
[Bridge]
Wouldn’t post me anywhere online
But questioned pictures from my past
Buddy, if we’re taking quizzes…
That one wasn’t gonna pass.
Then you compared me to your exes
Like that somehow helped the mood
“She could do this… they were like that…”
Read the room, my dude!
And while I begged for ten more minutes
Just to hold me while I cried
You headed out to make a call…
Now that deserves a standing ovation, right?
[Final Chorus]
Here’s what I’ll never forget!
Congratulations, you made the set!
Not the kisses, not the flowers
Not the “I love you’s” you said.
It’s the chaos, it’s the whiplash
The plot twists every day
Thanks for all the lifelong stories…
…I just wish they weren’t this way.
[Outro]
I almost wrote a love song…
Instead I wrote receipts.
