In the darkness

No, not again please, no no

Aaaahhhhhhhhh!

Static in my brain again

Rain rages against the window

Room looks like a war zone

Heart feels like the fallout

Wake up on the floor

After the blackout

Phone full of missed calls, like old ghosts.

Got to get up and start the day

Brush my teeth, look in the mirror, as I zone out,

Slap my face to snap out of it

Start one thing, then another, then I stall

Got a thousand open tabs in this skull

Every thought like a pinball, ricochet

Crash, flash, then bang it all goes dull

You said, "Focus on me, not the noise"

But I was chasing every shadow in the corners in my brain

As You were packing up boxes, folding all our joy

I was digging my own grave in the drywall of my mind

Hands tight on the steering wheel

Red lights blur into one long streak

As the speed increases

The silence keeps screaming at me

As the road fades away

My mind takes flight,

As I wish it would all go away tonight

I’m a ghost in my own mind

Talking back to the voices I fight

Every promise that I made turns black

You were the light, now you’re never coming back

I’m awake but I feel half-dead

Drown slow in an unmade bed

If I could cut this chaos out my head

Would you ever, would you ever come back?

Would you ever come light the path once again?

Sink into the bed at night, doom scrolling till dawn

Laugh at every meme, but feel nothing at all

Empty bourbon bottles line the shelf’s like trophies of defeat

I gaze at my keys waiting for a drive I’ll never take.

Doctor said, "Here, this might help"

Little white pill, to kill this big heavy weight

Two weeks in, I just stare at the wall

Feel too wired to rise, too tired to fall

You said, "I love you"

But never want try again, broken and blurred

Every plan that we had on hold indefinitely

As we fade out of existence the picture of what could burns to the ashes of oblivion

Call your name in a empty room

Only answer is the silence in my ears

As the darkness gets louder in my head

Every day another loop of the same old fears

If you Cut me open, you would see

Every thought like broken glass slowly killing me inside

I replay the day you made me leave on repeat

Pause it on your eyes when you said, "Just leave"

I can’t breathe, I just grind my teeth

Head like a hive, can’t find relief

I punch the wall till my knuckles sing

The Pain feels honest, that’s a real thing

Calendars blank but my mind double booked

Voices in a circle, screaming, doubting

You loved the spark till it burned your hands

Now I’m alone with the ash in the plans

If there’s a path in this rubble, show me the way!

If there’s a way out this pit, pull me up

Till then it’s just me, in my mind, these meds

And the echo of you in the back of my head