She blew in fast like a big Texas twister
Red stilettos and a wild-eyed blister
Had a smile like sugar but a soul like hail
Now I’m standin’ here broke, readin’ courtroom mail
We got hitched quick, I was dumb as a rock
Now I’m sleepin’ in my truck at the Texaco lot
She got the house, the car, and my ol’ guitar
And somehow even took my favorite bar!
She took the house, the dog, and the damn TV
Left me with a bill and a bad disease
Lawyer grinned like a vulture with a tie
Said, “Boy, I’ll fight—but she’s got the sky”
Now I’m payin’ alimony and emotional fees
And she’s in Cabo with my jet ski keys
Yeah, she tore through my life like a Cat 5 queen
Now I’m drinkin’ warm beer and eatin’ cold beans
Judge said, “Son, this don’t look too swell”
I said, “She keyed my truck and lit my grill!”
He said, “Still, she’s got emotional pain…”
Then handed her my dog, my boots, and my name
Now her new boyfriend drives my F-150
And my ex-mother-in-law looks real shifty
The lawyer winked, said, “I’ll be next in line”
While I’m auctionin’ socks just to pay the fine
She took the house, the dog, and the damn TV
The couch, the fridge, and the Christmas tree
She said I was lazy, said I was mean
But I only missed trash day… once or seventeen
Now she’s drinkin’ wine where my recliner should be
While I’m watchin’ squirrels from my SUV
Yeah, she tore through my world like a whiskey spree
And I’m sleepin’ in a hammock from 1983
So fellas beware when love starts to spin
She might take your wallet and your next of kin
And when the lawyers circle like buzzards at lunch
They'll say, “Let’s mediate!” while they gut-punch your hunch
She took the house, the dog, and the damn TV
Even my granddad’s old banjo key
She left me broke, confused, and free
With a court date set for eternity
So now I just laugh when the tumbleweeds roll
'Cause she left with my truck and half my soul
Yeah, women are like tornados, wild and mean…
She took it all—left the dishes in the sink
Now it’s me and the moon and this folding chair
Singin’ love songs to the open air
She took my world in a Category 3…
But jokes on her—she hates that damn TV