She Took it All

She blew in fast like a big Texas twister

Red stilettos and a wild-eyed blister

Had a smile like sugar but a soul like hail

Now I’m standin’ here broke, readin’ courtroom mail

We got hitched quick, I was dumb as a rock

Now I’m sleepin’ in my truck at the Texaco lot

She got the house, the car, and my ol’ guitar

And somehow even took my favorite bar!

She took the house, the dog, and the damn TV

Left me with a bill and a bad disease

Lawyer grinned like a vulture with a tie

Said, “Boy, I’ll fight—but she’s got the sky”

Now I’m payin’ alimony and emotional fees

And she’s in Cabo with my jet ski keys

Yeah, she tore through my life like a Cat 5 queen

Now I’m drinkin’ warm beer and eatin’ cold beans

Judge said, “Son, this don’t look too swell”

I said, “She keyed my truck and lit my grill!”

He said, “Still, she’s got emotional pain…”

Then handed her my dog, my boots, and my name

Now her new boyfriend drives my F-150

And my ex-mother-in-law looks real shifty

The lawyer winked, said, “I’ll be next in line”

While I’m auctionin’ socks just to pay the fine

She took the house, the dog, and the damn TV

The couch, the fridge, and the Christmas tree

She said I was lazy, said I was mean

But I only missed trash day… once or seventeen

Now she’s drinkin’ wine where my recliner should be

While I’m watchin’ squirrels from my SUV

Yeah, she tore through my world like a whiskey spree

And I’m sleepin’ in a hammock from 1983

So fellas beware when love starts to spin

She might take your wallet and your next of kin

And when the lawyers circle like buzzards at lunch

They'll say, “Let’s mediate!” while they gut-punch your hunch

She took the house, the dog, and the damn TV

Even my granddad’s old banjo key

She left me broke, confused, and free

With a court date set for eternity

So now I just laugh when the tumbleweeds roll

'Cause she left with my truck and half my soul

Yeah, women are like tornados, wild and mean…

She took it all—left the dishes in the sink

Now it’s me and the moon and this folding chair

Singin’ love songs to the open air

She took my world in a Category 3…

But jokes on her—she hates that damn TV