Shades of Grey

Two houses but no home

Nobody listens when I mourn

Feeling unwanted, a weight to bear

Craving closeness, met with air

An annoyance, that’s the role I play

Lost in silence at the end of the day

Is it my distance that drives them away?

Or am I just built this way?

They take the credit for where I stand

But vanish when I need a hand

I’m living in shades of grey

Not dark enough to run away

Not light enough to feel okay

Just somewhere in between

You ask me what’s on my mind

But never stay long enough to find

The cracks beneath the calm you see

The quiet breaking inside me

Fault must be mine — I built illusions

Thought I mattered in the confusion

Always the one to understand

Never the one they try to comprehend

Pushed aside, forgotten in time

Still they ask, “Are you fine?”

A sore loser — that’s their view

But they don’t see what I push through

Is it love, or is it duty?

Why does caring make me guilty?

(late-night tone)

Three a.m., I scream at walls

Echoes answer, that’s all

Do they notice when I fall?

Or does it matter at all?

(slightly lifted but restrained)

I’m living in shades of grey

Trying to find a brighter shade

Not begging you to stay

Just wishing you’d engage

Two houses but no home

Full rooms, but I’m alone

Somewhere between right and wrong

Just wanting to belong

(quiet)

Night falls — no one calls

And I’m still here