Supposed to be

I tried to win but lost, tried to go but stayed
To think that all these battles would later mean nothing to me
To take this and that and to wish to be all they say
Is what makes my life and misery overlay

So this is how it feels, the betrayal was the key
To open the door that wouldn’t let me free
I felt this way before but it never hurt me more
Feeling miserable seems to be what I adore
What is wrong with me?

Made me believe in loyalty but it was all just a dream
Far away from the reality and it wasn’t good for me
To unlock my heart with explosive thoughts
My mind screaming loud, feeling like gunshots 

Letting nature help me hide the open wound you created
Left me bleeding without even blinking
Was I the thorn in the rose? ’Cause for her you stayed

Knew you loved the summer yet embodied winter’s chill
Were the clouds I painted in your sky too overkill ?
Forever veiled inside the doll meant to bring you delight
I keep my phone charged hoping one day you might
Call me to see what I’ve become
Still playing the same façade, feeling numb

Why can’t you see that this is who I’m supposed to be?
A monster you created to fulfill your needs 
Giving me false hope was your hobby
Does she know the words you once said to me? 

A dark, slow alternative pop ballad with haunting piano, subtle drums, and an intense emotional atmosphere, male