Crying through the whole night
With no one there to hold me tight
Being as dramatic as I’ve ever been
Wondering when it gets better again
When everyone’s asleep
And no one’s answering
I stare at the ceiling, counting my breathing
Every burden I carry alone
Too scared to make my pain someone else’s own
So I swallow every word I need
Pretend I’m stronger than I feel
That night, the silence talked too loud
All my thoughts were crashing down
I tried to hold it all inside
But every tear just multiplied
That night, I learned how deep it goes
When you’re the only one who knows
How heavy it is to stay alive
When you’re done with trying
Didn’t tell my best friend either
Kept it secret so I’d look stronger
Regret that walk at 2 a.m.
On empty streets where I caved in
I can’t ask for help, they don’t understand
They joke it off and I can’t stand
Holding anger just to make it stop
No matter what, they come out on top
All the elements pulled me back
To everything I thought I’d packed
That night, the past came flooding in
Every loss, every almost-win
It hit my chest, stole all my air
Like an asthma attack I couldn’t spare
That night, I screamed without a sound
Afraid someone might know me now
For the little boy who’s done pretending
He’s not exhausted from the ending
I was one sentence you never kept
But you were more than I could forget
I watched the ceiling, begged it to fall
For anything to end it all
I wanted you, but you chose work
Chose the scores, said I was hurt
So I turned it inward, made it my fault
Let self-hate build a constant thought
(quiet)
Prettier, smarter, taller, more
All the things I wasn’t before
That’s a bridge under the water now
Still feels like I’m standing somehow
(soft → breaking)
That night, the rain ignored my plea
“It’s not personal” didn’t comfort me
I wasn’t scared of loving too hard
Just scared I’d be the one who stalled
That night, I held on anyway
Even when I wanted to fade
And I’m still here—don’t know why
But I made it through that night
Still learning how to ask for help
Still learning I don’t have to do it by myself
