🎶 Verse 1 — HIM
Been married seven years now, everything’s just fine,
But lately in the bedroom things been stuck in a straight line.
Missionary Monday, then Tuesday same again,
By Friday night we’re basically just roommates holdin’ hands.
So I whispered real gentle, tryin’ to keep it cool,
Said: “Baby maybe we could switch it up… y’know… just a little change of view?”
She smiled real sweet like an angel in the choir,
Said: “Sure honey… anything you desire.”
And that’s when I should’ve known I’d made a terrible mistake.
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🎶 Chorus — BOTH
🎵 I just wanted doggy, maybe something kinda mild,
Didn’t wanna start a war, didn’t wanna get wild!
Thought a little spice might make the bedroom fun…
But she came in like a Viking with a battle-axe, son!
Yeah I just wanted doggy, nothing crazy at all,
Now I’m tied to the headboard screaming ‘MERCY’ through the wall! 🎵
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🎶 Verse 2 — HIM
Next night she walked in wearing leather head to toe,
I said: “Whoa mama, lookin’ good… is that a brand-new bow?”
She said: “Oh this old thing? Just a lil’ somethin’ I found.”
Then she pulled a whip out and I almost hit the ground.
She said real sweet: “You ready to explore?”
And suddenly I’m strapped like a hostage on the floor.
There’s candles, clamps, ropes and chains everywhere,
And I realized my safe word should’ve been a freakin’ prayer.
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🎶 Pre-Chorus — HIM
She put a collar round my neck and tightened it twice,
Whispered: “You like new positions? I hope you like sacrifice…”
And that’s when she hit me with a crop—
And the neighbors called the cops.
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🎶 Chorus — BOTH
🎵 I just wanted doggy, maybe something kinda mild,
Didn’t wanna need a chiropractor and a therapist combined!
Thought a little switch-up would be cute and fun…
Next thing I know she’s yellin’ ‘CALL ME MISTRESS NUMBER ONE!’
Yeah, I just wanted doggy, nothing wild or intense,
Now I’m scared of furniture and I flinch at incense! 🎵
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🎶 Bridge — SPOKEN / DUET
HER (sweet voice, too sweet):
“Awww, baby, you said you wanted something new…”
HIM:
“Yeah but I meant like… bend me slightly, not emotionally break me!”
HER:
“Ready for round two?” 😈
HIM:
“NO. NO. THE SAFE WORD IS ‘MEATLOAF’. I TOLD YOU. MEATLOAF!!!”
HER:
“Too late. You’re on the menu.”
⸻
🎶 Final Chorus — BOTH
🎵 I just wanted doggy, a cute lil’ change,
Did not expect equipment from a medieval torture range!
Now the bedroom’s a dungeon and she’s rul’n like a queen,
And I sleep with one eye open and a bottle of lidocaine!
Yeah I just wanted doggy, something simple and sweet,
Now I’m afraid to sneeze in case she thinks it’s time to ‘compete!’ 🎵
