[Verse 1]
He’s got opinions on therapy, podcasts, and tea,
Can’t handle eye contact for more than three.
Says, “My social battery’s running dry,”
Well charge it up, princess — we just said hi.
⸻
[Pre-Chorus 1]
He says “conflict gives him stress,”
But Lindsey’s mom just asked how he’s dressed.
⸻
[Chorus 1]
Battery low, and man, what a show,
Cryin’ in the corner ‘cause the convo got bold.
Thinks he’s deep, but he’s shallow as snow,
Oh Lord, bless this boy, he’s a one-man soap opera show.
Yeah — battery low.
⸻
[Verse 2]
He don’t get why family hangs around,
Says “it’s toxic” ‘cause they’re always in town.
Only child, never shared his toys,
Now he’s allergic to noise and grown-up boys.
⸻
[Pre-Chorus 2]
He says “I need space, it’s who I am,”
Buddy, we just asked if you want some ham.
⸻
[Chorus 2]
Battery low, somebody call tech support,
He’s buffering emotions like it’s a contact sport.
He’s sensitive, bless his soul,
Can’t take a joke but he sure plays the role.
Battery low — certified bitch boy gold.
(Short guitar lick — 10 seconds)
⸻
[Verse 3]
He orders salads, counts his steps,
Gets winded by a group text.
Wears crystals, journals, and soft pastels,
Thinks “manly” is just “toxic cells.”
⸻
[Bridge – Spoken drawl over light strumming]*
“Yeah, Lindsey said he don’t ‘believe in yelling.’
That’s fine, but maybe believe in mowing the damn yard.”
(Beat kicks back in)
⸻
[Chorus 3 – Big full-band]
Battery low, but drama’s high,
He’ll ghost his job and blame the sky.
Oh he’s deep, just don’t ask why,
‘Cause his safe word’s probably “goodbye.”
Battery low — bless his fragile glow,
He’s softer than a Hallmark show.
⸻
[Verse 4 – Breakdown soft acoustic]
He said “energy vampires drain my soul,”
Well, buddy, maybe try payroll.
Talks big online, quiet in life,
Man’s allergic to a pocket knife.
⸻
[Final Chorus – repeat, full send]
Battery low, and it’s plain to see,
He’s emotionally vegan — zero beef with me.
Battery low, bless his heart, you know,
He’s the only man scared of Uno.
(Crowd laughter break / “He reversed himself, y’all!”)
Battery low… battery low…
He’s a bitch boy — bless his glow.
(Guitar slide out, applause, fade)
