Still In This Uniform

(Radio static)

“Doc said the body’s breaking down…”

“…but the soldier in me ain’t done yet…”

⸻

Zero-five, boots by the bed

Pain in my bones, pressure in my head

Knees lock up when they hit the floor

Back so shot I can’t stand no more

Mirror got a stranger staring back

Still got the fade, still dressed in black

Still lace boots like the old me there

But pain got hands wrapped tight in the air

They say, “Maybe it’s time to get out”

Like that don’t fill my chest with doubt

Who am I when the rank ain’t mine?

When I fold this uniform one last time?

I gave this Army blood and years

Buried brothers, swallowed tears

Missed birthdays, holidays too

Now they saying my time is through

⸻

And I’m terrified

Of the silence after final formation

Terrified

Of becoming just another name

What if this all I am?

What if the world won’t understand?

⸻

So I fight through the pain again

Tape my body up and grin

Tell the medic, “Nah, I’m good”

Even when I know I shouldn’t

‘Cause hanging up this uniform

Feels like losing who I was before

And I don’t know if I can stand

Being anything but Army man

If this chapter really ends

Who the hell am I again?

So I pray these bones hold on

Just enough to carry on

⸻

Profiles stacking on the desk

Leadership asking, “What comes next?”

I laugh it off like I’m alright

Then break down crying late at night

Hands on the wheel in the parking lot

Thinking ‘bout everything Army taught

Convoy roads and muddy rain

Long nights carrying all that pain

I remember earning that unit patch

Trying not to collapse

Brothers calling me family

Now the future’s blurry to me

Doc says surgery might help a little

But nothing really fixes the middle

Years of wear from carrying weight

Trying to outrun an early grave

Then my son says, “Dad, you coming home?”

But home feels strange when Army gone

I’m scared he’ll see me lost someday

Like the fight inside finally slipped away

⸻

I ain’t scared of war

Ain’t scared of scars

Ain’t scared of dying underneath the stars

But I’m scared of waking up

Without a mission in my chest

Scared of feeling useless

After giving this my best

They taught me how to fight

How to lead and bleed

But nobody teaches soldiers

How to leave

⸻

So I fight through the pain again

Hide the limp and just pretend

Tell everybody I’m okay

While the fear eats me away

‘Cause hanging up this uniform

Feels like losing my whole world

Like every sacrifice I made

Gets folded with the camouflage away

And I know one day it comes

Every soldier’s setting sun

But I ain’t ready for goodbye

Not while there’s still fire inside

⸻

(Soft piano)

One last salute in fading light

Hands still shaking, holding tight

To the only life I’ve ever known

And the hardest battle

A soldier fights

Might be learning

How to let go…

(Radio static fades out)