Claptrap’s Carnival of Failure

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Prompt / Lyrics
[Cheerful carnival music plays — slightly off-key, slightly glitched. A microphone feedback squeal. Claptrap's voice, aggressively cheerful:]

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[Claptrap:]

"HELLO, MINIONS! Welcome to the Claptrap Carnival of Failure! The only carnival where EVERYONE wins! By which I mean everyone wins the opportunity to watch me try my very best and fall short in spectacular, hilarious fashion!"

[Sound of a balloon squeaking. A sad honk.]

"Step right up! Try your luck at the Wheel of Misfortune! Prizes include: mild disappointment, crushing existential dread, or — if you're lucky — a coupon for 10% off your next digistruct! Coupon not valid on Tuesdays. Or any day that ends in Y."

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[Sound of a wheel spinning. A bell dings. Claptrap gasps dramatically.]

"Oh! Oh! You won the grand prize! A genuine, authentic, one-of-a-kind… FIRING!"

[Sound of a tiny, pathetic gunshot. A whimper.]

"…I'm out of ammo. I forgot to reload. I always forget to reload. That's the Claptrap guarantee: forgetting the one thing you actually need to succeed!"

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[Footsteps. A crowd (sound effects) boos softly. Claptrap laughs nervously.]

"Moving on! Next attraction: the Strongman Challenge! Watch as I, the strongest robot ever built, attempt to lift this incredibly heavy…"

[Sound of straining metal. A loud SNAP. Something crashes.]

"…sandbag. It's fine. It's fine! I didn't need that arm anyway! I have another one! See? Both arms! Fully functional! Well. One and a half. Look, the point is I'm TRYING!"

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[Crowd noises fade. A sad, lonely carnival organ plays in the background. Claptrap's voice drops, quieter, almost sincere:]

"You know… I built this carnival myself. With my own two hands. Well, one hand. The other one is currently on the ground over there. But I built it! I set up the games. I painted the signs. I wrote the jokes. I thought… if I could just make people laugh… if I could just make people stay…"

[A long pause. The organ plays a few lonely notes.]

"…maybe someone would want to be my friend."

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[Static. The cheerful music tries to restart. Claptrap forces his voice back to enthusiastic:]

"BUT WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE CARNIVAL GAMES! Next attraction! The Dunk Tank! Watch me attempt to catch a ball with my one remaining arm! I believe in myself! I BELIEVE! I—"

[Sound of a ball bouncing off metal. A splash. Sad, glitched music.]

"…I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm used to it."

[Water sloshing. A long, defeated pause.]

"The carnival is now closed. Please exit through the gift shop. There's nothing in the gift shop. It's just a mirror. So you can see the person who left me here. Again."

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[Static. The sound of a single, sad honk. Fade.]