If I Mattered

mm-mm

sometimes I wonder

(not again)

who I'd be now

if somebody had shown me I mattered

(mm-mm)

how different would my life have felt

if somebody had looked for me?

if disappearing wasn't easier

than believing somebody cared

if every silence wasn't filled

with waiting to be forgotten

if I learned young

that I was worth something

would I still carry this weight?

would I still question my place?

would I still search every room

for signs I'm in the way?

sometimes I think

(sometimes)

I'm grieving someone

I never got to be

how different would my life have felt

if somebody had treated me like I mattered?

like losing me would've hurt

like my name stayed in their head after I left

would I still question everything?

would I still wait for people to leave?

would I still struggle to believe

the things they say about me?

oh-oh

I think about it too much

(too much, too much)

yeah-yeah

the life I might've had

if I'd felt important

(mm-mm)

if I'd felt important

(oh-oh)

would I know it now?

would I walk a little lighter?

would I trust a little easier?

would kindness feel normal

instead of something I have to question?

would I know how to stay

without expecting goodbye?

would I see myself differently

through my own eyes?

cause every compliment still feels

like it belongs to somebody else

and every good thing takes a fight

before I let myself believe it

maybe that's why

(why)

some things hit harder now

how different would my life have felt

if somebody had treated me like I mattered?

like I wasn't temporary

like I belonged somewhere

would I still pull away

every time somebody gets close?

would I still search for proof

that they'll leave eventually?

oh-oh

sometimes I wonder who I'd be

(who I'd be)

yeah-yeah

if I learned earlier

what care was supposed to feel like

maybe she would've laughed louder

(maybe)

maybe she would've worried less

maybe she would've believed people

the first time they said nice things

maybe she would've stayed longer

instead of always being ready to run

maybe she would've known

she was enough all along

how different would my life have felt

if somebody had treated me like I mattered?

if I didn't spend years

trying to earn something that should've been given

cause I'm still learning now

what some people learn as children

still trying to believe

I don't have to prove my worth

oh-oh

maybe that's why it hurts sometimes

(hurts sometimes)

yeah-yeah

cause I can almost see

the person I might've been

standing right beside me

looking back at me

mm-mm

I can't change the beginning

(no, I can't)

mm-mm

but sometimes

I miss someone

I never got to be

(someone I never got to be)

mm-mm

and I still wonder

how different it would've felt