Despresso Expresso

You can see the pain in my laugh

Demons coming back from the past

Feeling like I’m gonna relapse

Voices in my head

All I can hear them say

Is everyone wants me dead

Bitch I’m already dead

I’ve been dead for years

I’ve been taking medicine again

Trying to feel again

Taking medicine to fix all of the damage

My anxiety is the size of a planet

Holes in my skull, over time

My heart’s over ice

Over ice, I’m freezing

Beautiful eyes, deceiving

I may die this evening

Coughing, wheezing, bleeding

Maybe I should grab a shotgun

Because I’m so done

You can’t unsee this

I’m sick of this tiny penis

You will need a bucket and mop

Because I’m going to cut this off

Little pig in a blanket

I can’t stand it

I’m so ugly

No one wants me

I can’t even see

I toss my pain with my wishes in a

wishing well

Still no luck but oh well

I still try even though I know I’m gonna fail

Stress on my shoulders like a anvil

Sometimes I don’t know how to feel

Ring-ring, phone call from depression

You use my past and my memories as a weapon

This can’t be real, is it fiction?

Something feels broke, need to fix it

I cry out for help, do they listen?

I will be alone untill I’m finished

This is the part I tell you I’m fine, but I’m lying

I just don’t want you to worry

This is the part where I take all my feelings and hide them

Because I don’t want anyone to hurt me

Do my husbands even love me?

I’m just very ugly

I can’t see

And I barely have any peen

There’s not enough to share it

I feel like I’m the least favorite

It’s just so hard to take it

When I ask if they love me, they stall

I wonder if they love me at all….