Despresso Expresso

You can see the pain in my laugh 
Demons coming back from the past
Feeling like I’m gonna relapse 
Voices in my head 
All I can hear them say
Is everyone wants me dead
Bitch I’m already dead
I’ve been dead for years

I’ve been taking medicine again 
Trying to feel again 
Taking medicine to fix all of the damage 
My anxiety is the size of a planet 
Holes in my skull, over time
My heart’s over ice
Over ice, I’m freezing 
Beautiful eyes, deceiving 
I may die this evening 
Coughing, wheezing, bleeding

Maybe I should grab a shotgun
Because I’m so done
You can’t unsee this
I’m sick of this tiny penis
You will need a bucket and mop
Because I’m going to cut this off
Little pig in a blanket
I can’t stand it
I’m so ugly 
No one wants me
I can’t even see

I toss my pain with my wishes in a
wishing well
Still no luck but oh well
I still try even though I know I’m gonna fail
Stress on my shoulders like a anvil
Sometimes I don’t know how to feel
Ring-ring, phone call from depression 
You use my past and my memories as a weapon
This can’t be real, is it fiction?
Something feels broke, need to fix it
I cry out for help, do they listen?
I will be alone untill I’m finished
This is the part I tell you I’m fine, but I’m lying 
I just don’t want you to worry
This is the part where I take all my feelings and hide them
Because I don’t want anyone to hurt me

Do my husbands even love me?
I’m just very ugly
I can’t see
And I barely have any peen 
There’s not enough to share it
I feel like I’m the least favorite 
It’s just so hard to take it
When I ask if they love me, they stall
I wonder if they love me at all….

blues, sad, singing, guitar, slow