The Guy Who Never Laughs

[Verse 1]
He sits at parties
Like a tax return
Flat as soda
Warm as soup
Someone slips
On a piece of air
He just nods once
Takes another sip
I did a pratfall
Down the stairs (totally fine)
He checked his watch
Asked the time
I wore a chicken suit
To his job
He said
“Interesting choice
For a Wednesday”
[Chorus]
This is a song for the guy who never laughs
We’re gonna tickle all the corners of your abs
You can fight it but the giggle’s doing math
Carrying the chuckle
Into a full-body crash
(ha! ha!) (oh no!)
For the guy who never laughs
[Verse 2]
I hired a mime
To narrate his life
[record scratch]
He wrote a Yelp review:
“Five stars
Too quiet”
I trained a pug
To bring him snacks
It forgot the snacks
Brought six more pugs
We all said “cheese”
For a photo op
The camera sneezed
Did a little cough
He blinked once
Twice
Micro-grin detected
Zoom in
Enhance
Laughter virus spreading
[Chorus]
This is a song for the guy who never laughs
We’ve got bananas in pajamas doing math
Serious penguins in a boardroom talking trash
You can feel that tiny snicker
Trying to hatch
(ha! ha!) (don’t you dare!)
For the guy who never laughs
[Bridge]
Okay
Imagine this
You’re in a suit
Very important meeting
Very serious mood
You stand up slow
To make your speech
Your stomach just says
“mmMERRP” into the mic (pfffft!)
Someone’s ringtone
Starts to play
It’s your mom
Screaming “SNUGGLECAKE”
Everyone freezes
Time collapses
Tell me your face
Is not doing gymnastics (come on!)
[Chorus]
This is a song for the guy who never laughs
We’ve got your poker face tied up in a cast
Every little smirk’s a fireworks blast
Let that weird
Wheezy
Honking goose out at last
(HA! ha! ha!) (there it is!)
From the guy who “never” laughs

High-energy comedy-pop with male vocals, cartoonish brass hits, slide whistles, and boingy FX peppered between lines. Verses ride bouncy acoustic guitar and cheeky bass; chorus explodes with gang vocals, claps, and goofy vocal ad-libs. Occasional record-scratch stops for punchlines, then slam back into a tight, fast groove.