My milkshake

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like, "IS THAT LEGAL?!"

Damn right, it's illegal — better than yours!

I could teach you, but you'd need a lawyer... and a priest... and a hazmat suit

My milkshake brings all the boys (and the fire department) to the yard

And they're like, "WHY IS IT SCREAMING?!"

Damn right, it's screaming better than yours

I tried to make it "thicc" — now it's possessed, send help

La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, YEET IT UP

La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, the neighbors called the cops

Started with vanilla, added gummy worms, regret, and expired yogurt

Threw in a whole unpeeled banana (peel included, vibes), glitter glue, and my old gym socks

Now it's pulsing like an alien egg, glowing neon puce

One whiff and Chad's on the ground doing the worm, yelling "I SEE MY LIFE FLASHING IN PINK!"

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

And the girls, the dogs, a random raccoon, and a news helicopter

Damn right, it's better than yours — it's a biohazard TikTok trend!

I could teach you, but Darwin said "Please don't"

Warm it up (it's self-heating now, oops)

La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, the yard's on fire somehow

Added pickle juice, Pop Rocks, expired ranch, and three mystery energy drinks

Now it's foaming like a rabid yeti, shooting sparks, attracting UFOs (true story)

Karen's livestreaming "Gen Z makes Edible Chernobyl – 5 stars??"

The boys are simping so hard they're proposing to the cup

One tried to chug it — now he's speaking fluent dolphin

Boys be like: "Can I get the recipe?"

Nah bro, this is classified war crime smoothie

It's got notes of "what if regret was a flavor?"

One sip and you're astral projecting into the group chat

Two sips and you're married to the blender

Three sips and the FBI shows up asking for "the thing"

My milkshake brings ALL THE BOYS to the yard

And the SWAT team, my mom, three influencers, and Bigfoot (he wants seconds)

Damn right, it's better than yours — it's trending on the dark web!

I could teach you... but the Geneva Convention said "We’re good, thanks"

La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, cleanup on aisle apocalypse

La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, boys still trying to slurp it (send bleach)

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

And now the yard's a federally protected disaster site. You're welcome!