The comeback rash

You ever thought your dick was healed…

Then woke up with it lookin’ like it tried to escape your body?

I took one piss and it sounded like bacon fryin’.

I thought it was over—nope.

It came back like an ex with good head and bad credit.

Last week I was cured, walkin’ proud and free,

Now it’s red again and beggin’ for a medic to see.

I got a letter from my junk, it said “We’re under attack,”

Now my balls wear hoodies ‘cause they scared it’ll come back.

(spoken)

Man, my dick got seasonal allergies now. I walk past a coochie and it just start flarin’ up like “we not goin’ in there, bruh!”

It’s back, it’s mad, it brought friends this time,

Now my crotch got more bumps than a porcupine.

It itches, it twitches, it talks in tongues—

I think my nuts caught ghost pepper lungs.

(banjo solo with aggressive scratching sounds)

Now look, I done fought for this country and my freedom,

But I did NOT fight for a mushroom tip with lesions.

My ex said “It’s just friction burn,”

Lady, friction don’t make it glow and churn.

(spoken)

My pecker look like it’s tryna transform into a Pokémon.

That ain’t “gotta catch ‘em all,” that’s “gotta go to the ER.”

I got creams, pills, salves, and sprays,

But my dick still look like it’s seen five plagues.

That girl said, “You’re the only one I been with.”

Lies!

Her coochie got air miles from all the guys.

(spoken)

I raw dogged a girl who had more red flags than North Korea!

Now my penis looks like beef jerky with chicken pox!

Kevin: My doctor walked in wearing a hazmat suit.

Katt: Mine brought a priest and garlic.

Kevin: I said, “Doc, can I still hit it?”

Katt: He said, “You can, but it’ll be like pourin’ hot sauce in a paper cut while cryin’ in the dark.”

It’s flarin’ up like your baby mama’s temper,

Got more colors down there than a pride parade banner.

I prayed, I cried, I dipped it in ice—

Now my d*ck lookin’ like a churro with lice!

Clayton Bigsby: This ain’t a penis no more. This is a war veteran.

Cartman: I named it “Vietnam.” 'Cause nobody comes back the same.

Kevin Hart: I bought it a casket and a sympathy card.

Katt Williams: My dick ghosted me. It moved out and left a note that said:

“Dear Katt, you toxic.”