Message To My Past

...dial tone...

"Please leave your message after the beep."

Yeah... uh... I don't even know why I'm callin' anymore,

Guess I just wanted to hear your voice one more time before I let this shit rot.

What the fuck happened to you?

Nah... what the fuck happened to us?

You disappeared like I meant nothin',

No warning, no goodbye, just silence and assumptions.

I spent nights lookin' at my phone like maybe you'd explain,

But years pass different when your chest still holdin' pain,

And honestly? I don't even know if I miss you anymore,

Or if my brain just got addicted to what we were before.

I be drivin' late at night, lookin' at the passenger side,

Empty seat, cold air, memories still hitchin' rides,

Could've been you there laughin' while the city lights blur,

Now it's just me and these thoughts gettin' worse on every turn.

And the next girl don't deserve this damage I still hide,

She didn't cut me open, but she'll still see me bleed inside,

That's the part that fucks me up, I know it isn't fair,

How I'm supposed to love somebody when your ghost still livin' there?

I forgot your favorite songs, forgot the sound of your laugh,

But random shit still hits me and it sends me right back,

Certain streets, certain smells, certain songs in the rain,

Crazy how memories fade but the hurt somehow stays.

I know I wasn't perfect, probably failed you sometimes too,

Could've loved you harder, maybe showed up more for you,

But we went through hell together, survived all that pain,

So why the fuck'd you leave me standin' in it by myself again?

Maybe love still exists, I keep tellin' myself that lie,

But this generation make forever feel temporary every night,

Everybody leaves easy, everybody bored fast,

People throw away souls now like relationships are trash.

And I know I can move on 'cause you were the bottom line,

But what if she hurts me too? What if I waste more time?

So I stay stuck halfway at these train tracks in my head,

One foot movin' forward while the other one wants dead.

I hope your new man loves you better than I ever did,

Hope he listens when you cry instead of bottlin' shit in,

Hope he holds you through the nights your mind starts gettin' dark,

Hope he fixes every wound that tore us both apart.

If I could go back, maybe I'd do things different,

But time don't reverse and regret don't fix distance,

So I guess this voicemail's just me talkin' to the past,

Tryin' to understand how forever ended that fast.

Late nights, dark roads, stars blur when I drive,

Passenger seat empty but your ghost still by my side,

Thought time would kill the pain, guess it learned to hide,

Some nights I swear I'm healed, then your memory comes alive.

So if you hear this voicemail... just know I really tried,

Guess some people leave forever but still never leave your mind...

...beep...