Kill all the lawyers

All rise for the Honorable Judge Beryl Howell, presiding.

Verse 1

Ah, welcome to my courtroom, where justice wears a robe

And irony, it seems, is now the fashion of the day.

Before me lies an order, bold and oh-so-brave,

To punish lawyers-yes, the root of all our woes!

Verse 2

Perkins Coie, WilmerHale-how dare you take a stand?

Defending clients-scandalous!-against the mighty hand.

Why let the law be messy, when silence is so neat?

Let’s clear the docket quickly, sweep dissent beneath our feet.

Chorus

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”

Shakespeare quipped, and now it’s policy, it seems!

How tidy would the world be, if only no one questioned

The wisdom of the powerful, or challenged royal dreams.

Verse 3

Security clearances? Contracts? Oh, let’s take them all away!

Why let an advocate speak, when we can simply make them pay?

Retaliation’s just a word, and fairness just a myth-

Who needs a Constitution, when we have executive pith?

Bridge

But here’s a little secret, whispered from the bench:

The law was never meant to serve a ruler’s petty grudge.

So while you write your orders with a flourish and a frown,

Remember who’s still standing when the gavel’s coming down.

Chorus

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”

How convenient for the kings and tyrants, too!

But in this court, the jest’s on you, dear order-

For justice, not revenge, is what we’re sworn to do.

Outro

So thank you for the drama, the spectacle, the show-

But in my courtroom, justice gets the final bow.

All rise, all speak, all dare to disagree-

For lawyers, not silence, keep this nation free.