Pre intro: order in duh court order in duh
Intro:
Order in duh court.
Order in duh court.
We are all gathered here today for Case #472, The People vs. Common Sense.
The court would like to know why humans keep doing things they know they shouldn’t be doing. Please take your seats…
Hook:
Jury duty, jury duty,
why we all in here? (Please take a seat)
Jury duty, jury duty,
somebody lying in here. (Absolutely not)
Jury duty, jury duty,
everybody got a case. (Next case)
Jury duty, jury duty,
ain’t nobody beating these allegations. (Overruled)
Verse 1: I’ll now present the charges. Shame on yall
Count 1: keep Saying “I’m on my way” while still standing in the shower.
Count 2: Opening the fridge knowing damn well nothing changed since thirty seconds ago.
Count 3: Telling yourself “one more episode” and somehow waking up three seasons later.
Count 4: Losing your phone while actively talking on it. (Come on now yall)
The prosecution would also like to add Extensive procrastination and failure to start on Monday despite promising to start on Monday every Monday for the last six months. ..
Verse 2: Witness Testimony
Witness number one, please approach the stand.
“Your Honor, she said she was done texting him.” Judge says, “And?”
Witness says, “She texted him.” (Order!)
Jury gasps. (One at a time!)
Witness number two says, “Your Honor, he bought groceries for the week and ate all the snacks in one night.” (You got proof)
Heck yeah can I get my phone?
(I’ll allow it)
Witness number three says, “Your Honor, they set five alarms and still woke up late.” Courtroom erupts.
Bridge: Courtroom Chaos Judge says order! Half the jury is late. The other half is still trying to decide what they wanna eat. One juror is scrolling tik tok. Another juror forgot why they’re here. Somebody yelled “objection!” and immediately forgot the objection.. Then don’t get me started on the tired court reporter. Everybody’s tired.
Hook:
Jury duty, jury duty,
why we all in here? (Please take a seat)
Jury duty, jury duty,
somebody lying in here. (Absolutely not)
Jury duty, jury duty,
everybody got a case. (Next case)
Jury duty, jury duty,
ain’t nobody beating these allegations. (sustained)
Outro: The Verdict
The jury has reached a verdict.
Guilty of saying “five more minutes.”
Guilty of putting things off until tomorrow. Guilty of overthinking at 2 AM.
Guilty of buying things that were not on the shopping list.
Guilty of making life harder than it needed to be.
Sentenced to drink water, mind your business, and try again tomorrow.
Court adjourned. (Straight up no chase )
StraightupNoChaser
