[Intro]
Yeah…
Pain don’t always scream — sometimes it just lingers.
I ain’t never had no peace…
Look.
⸻
[Verse 1]
My pops got locked up not long after I came,
He ain’t never live with us — just his shadow and name.
Mama did it all, five kids and no rest,
I saw her break down quiet just to still look her best.
Sometimes she’d send me to him, like, “He need his dad,”
But all I found was cold stares, silence, and hands that grabbed.
Never hugs, never talks, just a room and a threat,
And by the time I got used to the pain, he already left.
He’d vanish — weeks with no call, no check-in,
That’s the only bond we had: get dropped, get forgotten again.
Ain’t no father-son talks, just trauma in doses,
That’s why I found comfort in corners and toasters.
Anxiety my roommate, I grew up on edge,
Learned how to move smart while they played on the ledge.
And while other kids laughed, I was stuck in my head,
Tryna figure out why I never felt what they said.
⸻
[Hook]
Where’s my smile? I been lookin’ since a kid,
Through the silence, through the days I was forced just to live.
I see joy on they face — I can’t relate,
Like I was born with a weight I can’t escape.
Where’s my smile? Been gone too long,
Every win feel numb, every right feel wrong.
Still walk like I’m solid, but inside I’m cracked,
Tryna patch up the pieces that my past attacked.
⸻
[Verse 2]
I ain’t talked to my dad in a couple of years,
But we barely ever spoke — I was raised on my fears.
He’d say little when I called, mostly left me on read,
It’s wild how someone so close can feel more gone than dead.
He ain’t teach me nothin’ — just showed what not to be,
So I built from the dark, no blueprint for me.
I was movin’ packs while they was hoopin’ at the court,
Just to buy back peace my heart couldn’t afford.
Tryna numb what I feel with some cash and a chain,
But the mirror never lies — still stuck with the pain.
Therapist ask questions, I just lower my head,
’Cause how I explain growin’ up feelin’ half-dead?
⸻
[Hook]
Where’s my smile? I been lookin’ since a kid,
Through the silence, through the days I was forced just to live.
I see joy on they face — I can’t relate,
Like I was born with a weight I can’t escape.
Where’s my smile? Been gone too long,
Every win feel numb, every right feel wrong.
Still walk like I’m solid, but inside I’m cracked,
Tryna patch up the pieces that my past attacked.
⸻
[Outro]
This ain’t pain for attention — this is truth in bars,
This for every kid like me still countin’ the scars.
Maybe one day, when the storm clears at last…
I’ll find those smiles I never had.
Beanie
