Intro – Spoken)
They say if you survive hell, it leaves a mark
But what they don’t fuckin’ tell you…
Is sometimes, hell survives inside of you
(Verse 1)
I was nineteen when I first hit the streets alone
Portland skies gray as the fuckin’ tone in my bones
Caught a few cases, made mama sad, turned cold
I learned how to hustle, trade a lie for some gold
Met Rae at a shelter, eyes wild like mine
She said, “Stick with me, —we gon’ be just fine”
We shared a tent, a pipe, and a half-dreamed escape
Two broke-ass junkies with a needle-shaped fate
She’d boost from stores, I’d push pills in the dark
Whispered sweet apocalypse while cops rolled past Providence park
We smoked glass by the river, where the dead fish float
High as God, broke as fuck, with hope in our throat
Till one night she said, “There’s a guy with a plan”
“Gimme a minute alone—I’ll come back with a grand”
I should’ve known, but I just nodded and froze
Watched her step into the night like a story too close
(Verse 2)
An hour passed… then four… then the sky turned red
She came back limpin’, face pale, eyes dead
Didn’t speak for two days, just smoked till she cracked
Then said, “They tried to take me—I barely made it back”
She cried in my arms, and I felt my chest split
Swore I’d never let no motherfucker touch her like that shit
I bought a blade from a vet down off Burnside Bridge
He said, “There ain’t no justice—just scars and a twitch”
We moved heavier weight, got respect from the fiends
But paranoia’s a bitch that lives in the seams
One night I met a dude who tried to short my cut
And when I called him out, he reached behind his gut
I blacked out—next thing, blood soaked my jeans
The knife in my hand, and him fuckin’ silent between screams
Rae watched from the alley, no fear in her grin
She wiped the blade clean and whispered, “That’s it.”
(Verse 3)
But “that’s it” ain’t shit—see, that was the start
Of the spiral that tore out the light from my heart
We hid out for weeks, strung the fuck out, alone
Until I woke one night, Rae and everything gone
She took the cash, the stash, my ID and pride
Left me OD’d stiff with a tooter inside
Paramedics said I was dead ten minutes straight
No breath, no pulse, just a cold-ass fate
In that black I swear I saw Rae in the flame
Not cryin’—not sorry—just smilin’, sayin’ my name
With the devil behind her, grinnin’ slow
And that’s when I knew she sold more than her soul
She set me the fuck up, let me rot in the dirt
She wore pain like perfume and called it her worth
And me? I ain’t no martyr, just a man who bled
And now I walk with these ghosts screamin’ loud in my head
(Outro Spoken)
So when you light that pipe or hold that blade
Remember: some demons don’t come to trade
They come to fuckin’ dance, and they move real smooth
And by the time you hear the music,
You already lost your shoes
I didn’t dance with the devil.
He taught me to fuckin’ sing.
And now the streets hum my name
Every time it rains.
