Slap

. “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.”

How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?”

What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”ell at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

31. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” Ashleigh Brilliant

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves. “You know the difference between a tornado

and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number

one.” Robin Williams, . “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

“Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”

“Unless your name is Google stop

acting like you know everything. “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you

got the idea I cared.”I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Life’s good, you should get one.”

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

. “I clapped because it’s finished,

not because I like it.If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”t’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” Robin Williams, Actor

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” Steven Wright