You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
30. If you’re going to act like a turd, go layKeep Watching
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PARADE Exclusive - The Christmas Spark - Sneak Peek
To help you come up with some sick burns, roasts and funny comebacks you can use in the heat of battle, we’ve come up with 100 good comebacks. Use these when you don’t feel like being sweet as a peach the next time you find yourself arguing with a bully.
We guarantee at least one of these snarky comebacks will wipe the smirk off your enemy’s face. And the best part? You’ll walk away feeling victorious!
Related: 200 Short Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off
Table of Contents
Good Comebacks and Roasts
Best Comebacks and Insults
Funny Comebacks
Great Comebacks
Witty Comebacks
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You're the reason God created the middle finger insult
Good Comebacks and Roasts
1. You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
2. Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
3. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
4. I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.
5. I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.
6. Someday you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.
7. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
8. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
9. You should really come with a warning label.
10. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
11. If I wanted to hear from a butthole, I’d fart.
12. It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
13. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
14. I will ignore you so hard that you’ll start doubting your existence.
15. Feed your own ego. I’m busy.
Related: You’ll Be the Most Fungi (Or Fun-Gal) at the Party with These 58 Mushroom Puns and Jokes
I'll never forget the first time we met. But I'll keep trying
Best Comebacks and Insults
16. I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
17. You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
18. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
19. You are so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous.
20. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
21. Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
22. I’ve been called worse by better.
23. Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
24. Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
25. Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
Yoyo tazzy ready to put it down
26. Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.
27. Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
28. You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
29. You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, b
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