Grandma’s Kitchen

[Tone: Emotional, reflective, NF-style storytelling

Theme: Loss, regret, faith, time, love that still exists]

I still smell it sometimes…

Like I’m there again.

There’s a chair at the table that nobody fills

Still hear your voice when the house goes still

Hands always busy, heart always calm

You fixed everything without making a sound

I was too young to know what I had

Too busy growing up, too busy mad

Too busy thinking there’d be “next time”

Didn’t know forever had an end line

Now the silence talks louder than words

And it hurts ‘cause I finally learned

I’d give anything just to sit in that room

Hear you hum while the dinner’s almost through

I’d trade all the years I wasted away

For one more “how was your day?”

Grandma, if heaven has kitchens and light

Save me a seat, I’ll be there one night

Till then I’m trying to live in a way

That makes you proud when you say my name

You saw things I never could see

When everyone broke, you believed in me

You told my dad what we couldn’t say

You carried the weight in the quietest way

I think about nights I should’ve stayed longer

Times I felt small but you made me stronger

Now I replay every missed goodbye

Like if I think hard enough you’ll reply

I’d give anything just to sit in that room

Hear you laugh at the jokes we overused

I’d trade all the stress I’m drowning in

For one more prayer before we dig in

Grandma, if you can hear me tonight

I hope you’re warm, I hope you’re alright

I’m still figuring faith, still making mistakes

Still trying to walk the path you paved

I didn’t know you were hurting

You never showed it

You were strong so I assumed you were golden

That guilt sits heavy but I know you’d say

“Don’t carry that, child, live your days”

Now Christmas feels colder, food tastes bland

I understand now what I didn’t back then

Love isn’t loud, it’s showing up

It’s staying late, it’s filling cups

I cook sometimes and I swear you’re there

Like heaven leaks through the open air

If God is real the way I believe

Then you’re closer than it feels to me

I’d give anything just to sit in that room

But I’ll honor you by how I move

I’ll love my family, I’ll slow my pace

I’ll try to give warmth in a broken place

Grandma, I hope when you look down

You see I’m fighting, I’m still around

Not perfect, but I’m trying to be

The man you always saw in me

Dinner’s ready…

I’m just late this time.