Dear Ashley

Every time you walk out the door feels like a step closer to never coming back

I never meant to hurt you or act like I didn’t care when you told me you were hurting I didn’t have the courage to tell you I hurt too

The hours on the road the time that I spent gone wasn’t because I chose that life over you, I was trying to do what I thought I had to to give you the things you never had.

I confused giving you what I thought you wanted with what you needed and that mistake while unintentional caused even more pain

I let My struggle with never being good enough get the best of me and tried to prove I’d work my fingers to the bone if that’s what it took.

I never meant to put what I could do with my hands in front of your heart I just wanted to prove that I was strong enough to carry you through everything to get you to your dreams.

You are my everything you and the kids are the reason that I breath

I was scared to tell you I was hurting or that I was tired because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough for you to accept me being weak

I’m scared of what’s ahead those are words I’ve never said I’m not scared of being alone but I’m scared to death about life without your love your touch and all the things about you I made you feel like I didn’t want.

If the rest of my life is spent with a knee bent for you the last promise I’ll ever ask you to trust me to keep is that I will do whatever it takes to focus on your needs and be the man I’m supposed to and the man you need me to be