If I die today, it was a war well fought, after all wanting the war to end was worth it, regardless of the cost.
I grew up believing I was born with a war inside me, birthed by a teen mother, forged at the hands of an abusive father, and sharpened to a point watching everyone that said they loved me, walk away in one way or the other. No complaining here, I know physically, I was born a war machine with a heart searching for peace.
If I die today, it was a war well fought, after all wanting the war to end was worth it, regardless of the cost.
Survival was never optional, the defensive mechanisms developed became methods and weapons in an arsenal uncontrollable at a subconscious level yet I remained capable of functioning on a conscious plain. Vigilance is paramount, I cannot wait to see it unfold in front of me before taking action, I believed this was my discipline, founded on the refusal to die on The Hill of What Happened but yet,
If I die today, it was a war well fought, after all wanting the war to end was worth it, regardless of the cost.
I built walls to contain collateral damage, and somehow managed to pushed what I loved the most away, thinking I was keeping them safe from my pain, always afraid I was either never enough or too much for everything I touched
If I die today, it was a war well fought, after all wanting the war to end was worth it, regardless of the cost.
Watching the battlefield landscape change, I find myself fighting World War Me on two fronts, Fighting for my family and sanity at the same time, blinded by the war inside me, to the touch, it always felt like it would never end, then I woke up from the fog of war and saw the writing on the wall that reminded me that I am strong enough to end this war whatever it’s called, even with my back against the wall, no more bracing for the fall, still I stand and still I fight
Just know that If I die today, it was a war well fought, so if you find me on the battlefield, tell my story, because nobody should feel like they were born with a war inside them, and if they hear this message, it was a war worth fighting regardless of the cost.
Scotty_Mathews44
