Let it rip

It’s been a minute since I picked up the pen and let it rip

Confused, I thought I had to start all over again, turns out I just had to throw it all down, now I understand what the lord can do once you loosen your grip and give your life to him.

I thought I surrendered back in 2011, then reality hit and all I did was offer to serve him, while I held on to my problems, pain, and struggles

Isaiah 6 8 has always been one of my favorite verses, I thought it meant send me anywhere and I’ll speak about him on any street corner or a Worship service,

Now when I hear the words

I’ll GO, SEND ME

It has a whole new meaning, but I had to lay it all down, and follow him to understand what was underneath!

I said “send me” with my hands clenched, kept the

Bible on the dash, but kept pain sittin’ with me on the bench

I’d nod at the altar, then white-knuckle it all the way home

Talked big about faith, and still tried to carry it all alone

I didn’t doubt God, I doubted he would wanna help me

Kept my wounds and grief quiet while I served loud,

Thought I could get away with disguising self control as belief

I relied on my physical strength, depended on it like it was armor, kept my chest tight and never let it crack

Smiled through the storm, so I could hide my tears in the rain

Thought fallin’ apart meant I was a failure , I kept it movin’ cuz’ I had no clue that rest was a part of his plan, thought if I slept, the world would see me slippin’

I prayed for change but I kept my gaurd up

Asked Him for help, but I refused to drop the sword

Wanted resurrection without taking the old me to the grave.

I believed in the promise but why would he waste it on me

Surrender isn’t the same as quittin’, once it clicked I knew it came down to admittin’ I couldn’t win this the fight on my own and let go of the weight on my back that I didn’t know how to put down

I said “I’ll go, send me,” and thought all it meant was being fearless to say his name in the streets

Didn’t know, I had to let go of the fear underneath

I didn’t give up

I finally gave in

Stopped fightin’ the truth

Let Him step in

Surrender ain’t weakness, it’s about Layin’ your pride down,

I didn’t lose my fire

I loosened my grip

Didn’t walk away from my pain

I just let go of it

I thought I earned these scars, called them proof of my discipline because I refused to give in.

Turns out faith starts where control ends

Surrender ain’t quittin’, it’s buryin’ your pride

It’s about layin’ your weapons down and letting him lead you through the fight.

I said “send me,” cuz’ thought I was brave

Didn’t know it meant trustin’ him to carry what I couldn’t save