Letters I still send

(Verse 1)
You say it’s all accusations,
That the system twisted truth,
That if I hadn’t broken down
They wouldn’t have come for you.
You say my mental health’s the fire,
That my tears fed the flame,
That my panic in that courtroom
Somehow branded you with shame.

They stamped me “unfit on paper,”
Said my evidence was words,
Like a mother’s fear and bruised-up heart
Are things that go unheard.
I walked out of that courtroom shaking,
With my babies out of reach,
And you said, “See what you did?”
Like I preached what I didn’t preach.

(Pre-Chorus)
But I’ve been writing you forever,
In poems and anniversary lines,
Counting every single day
Like it’s proof you’re still mine.

(Chorus)
Concrete between us, steel in my chest,
You say it’s the lies but I carry the rest.
You call me your queen, say “special kisses, baby,”
But lately your love feels shaky.
I’m scared I’m not the only one
You’re talking to at night,
Scared you’re finding comfort
Outside our fight.
While I’m still writing love songs
Like I always do,
Concrete between us—
And I’m still loving you.

(Verse 2)
Happy V-Day, happy anniversary,
I wrote it just like before,
“Ever since the day we met
I’ve been falling more and more.”
The first time that I saw you
My heart wouldn’t sit still,
You were the only one I wanted,
You were the only thrill.

Mesa nights and Yuma miles,
Static on the line,
I’d wait for every collect call
Like it was a holy sign.
You inked my lips upon your skin,
Our babies’ names in black,
Said no one else would ever
Take the place I have.

But distance does a number
On a heart already cracked,
And every time you pull away
I feel myself collapse.

(Pre-Chorus)
I’m fighting for our children,
Fighting judges, fighting fear,
Fighting hospice hallways
Wishing you were here.

(Chorus)
Concrete between us, miles and blame,
You say it’s my breakdowns, my stress, my name.
Anxiety choking me, depression in waves,
Trying to be strong but I’m not that brave.
I’m scared I’m a failure,
As a mother, as a wife,
Scared without our babies
There’s no reason left to fight.
And if you love someone else
While I’m barely getting through—
Concrete between us
Will bury me too.

(Bridge – Letter Fragments)
“Two years, one month, and counting…”
I wrote every day like a prayer,
365 plus 365
Plus 30 more—still there.
“I miss you more than yesterday
But less than tomorrow will be,”
I folded those words with tears
Hoping you’d still choose me.

Remember when you said
“Fuck Jenny,” just to make me laugh?
When you called me your forever
Like there’d never be an aftermath?
You’d say I’m your queen,
Your ride or die, your home,
Now I’m staring at a phone
Feeling so alone.

(Breakdown)
Do you suffer from this guilt
Like I do at 3 a.m.?
Do you feel the fear of losing me
Or am I losing you to them?
The girls who don’t know court dates,
Who don’t know hospice air,
Who don’t know how it feels
To beg God in despair.

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