G to the H (Grandma Hoffner)

[Intro]
(G to the H!)
Yeah, yeah
(G to the H!)
Ha, listen
[Verse 1]
Little plastic chair
On the driveway stripe
She’s queen of the yard sale
Clutching that hype
Rolls up slow
With her coupon stack
“Put this crystal in the box,
I’ll be right back”
Italian grandma
Gold cross, gray perm
Argues over quarters
Like a long-term firm
“Three bucks? Two bucks.
Eh, you’ll live”
Then walks out smirking
With the change you give (c’mon)
[Chorus]
G to the H, that’s Grandma Hoffner
Hand in the candy jar, “I’ll pay you after”
Got sauce on the stove
And salt in her laughter
If it ain’t nailed down
She’ll call it hers faster
G to the H, pockets like a warehouse
Taking home placemats, teapots, weird glass
Whole fam sighs
But we all just laugh
‘Cause she’s G to the, G to the, G to the H
[Verse 2]
Flea market maze
She don’t need maps
Side-eyeing tables
Like a jewel heist caper
“Is this antique?
It should cost less”
Slides two more knickknacks
Under her vest (shh)
Sunday dinner spot
She’ll raid your fridge
“Who bought this cheese?
I’ll take a little wedge”
Walks out with Tupperware
Four kinds of cake
Calls it “cleaning up”
We call it “Grandma take” (hey!)
[Chorus]
G to the H, that’s Grandma Hoffner
Hand in the candy jar, “I’ll pay you after”
Got sauce on the stove
And salt in her laughter
If it ain’t nailed down
She’ll call it hers faster
G to the H, pockets like a warehouse
Taking home placemats, teapots, weird glass
Whole fam sighs
But we all just laugh
‘Cause she’s G to the, G to the, G to the H
[Bridge]
She’ll kiss both cheeks
Then check your shelf
“Who gave you this?
Looks better with my elf”
Tells wild stories
From the old-country block
“Back in my day
We took what we got” (ooh!)
[Chorus]
G to the H, that’s Grandma Hoffner
Hand in the candy jar, “I’ll pay you after”
Got sauce on the stove
And salt in her laughter
If it ain’t nailed down
She’ll call it hers faster
G to the H, pockets like a warehouse
Taking home placemats, teapots, weird glass
We roll our eyes
But we wouldn’t change the past
‘Cause she’s G to the, G to the, G to the H

rap, Playful boom-bap with crisp drums, upright bass, and jazzy piano stabs; male vocals in a storytelling rap cadence. Hook leans sing-song with layered gang vocals on the "G to the H" chant, verses stay tight and bouncy. Occasional record-stop FX and crowd ad-libs punch the jokes, energy climbs from living-room chill to full-family-anthem celebration.