Painfully Available

Intro — spoken, low attitude

Yeah.

I see it now.

Funny how quiet it gets

when I stop holding this shit together.

I ain’t lose clarity.

I just kept picking up the phone.

Verse 1 — rap

I was quick to pick up,

soft place, safe landing.

You had a bad day, I pulled up,

heart wide, understanding.

You needed somebody to hear you,

I was locked in every time.

But when I needed one check-in,

you couldn’t send one line?

I ain’t asking for worship,

ain’t begging for your whole damn day.

But don’t lay up in my softness

then forget me anyway.

I gave you admiration,

you gave me no consideration.

I made room for all your chaos,

you made mine feel like irritation.

I gave your mess my full attention,

you wouldn’t give my feelings mention.

Held space for all your pressure,

you treated mine like too much tension.

When you get irritated,

it gets centered on you.

Your stress takes up the whole damn room,

my hurt gets pushed out of view.

Pre-Chorus — rap build

I get clear when I’m alone,

then your voice hit the line.

All the truth I just uncovered

starts slipping out my mind.

You got reasons, I got feelings,

somehow yours start sounding right.

I was ready to walk away,

then your excuses blur my sight.

I pick up with a backbone,

hang up making room.

Funny how I know the truth

till I’m talking back to you.

Hook — sung/rap-sung, catchy but angry

I hate that I’m painfully available,

still picking up the phone.

Still making excuses for your bullshit

when I’m the one alone.

Still stuck inside the loop,

still addicted to your voice.

I know I should choose me,

but you make pain feel like a choice.

I hate that I’m painfully available,

still waiting on consideration.

I gave you admiration,

you gave me fucking hesitation.

Verse 2 — faster rap

Every time you make excuses,

somehow they soften me.

You dress that shit up pretty,

I forget what it’s costing me.

You make me wanna believe it,

like maybe I saw it wrong.

Then I sit back in the silence,

and the anger come on strong.

Like wait — that shit still ain’t right,

why am I carrying that too?

Then you come back with another reason,

and my sight gets blurred by you.

You blur the line, blur my mind,

blur the truth I almost find.

I’m halfway out the door,

then your excuses pull me back every time.

You keep saying it ain’t like that,

but the math don’t math to me.

You want grace for every gap,

but give me no security.

If the care don’t match the access,

then this whole thing out of balance.

You want my softness on demand,

but can’t meet me with no balance.

Hook — sung/rap-sung

I hate that I’m painfully available,

still picking up the phone.

Still making excuses for your bullshit

when I’m the one alone.

Still stuck inside the loop,

still addicted to your voice.

I know I should choose me,

but you make pain feel like a choice.

I hate that I’m painfully available,

still waiting on consideration.

I gave you admiration

You gave me fucking hesitation