[Verse 1]
You crawl into my bed at 3AM
Eyes red from another night of worrying
And I pretend I’m asleep
Cause I can’t stand the guilt in your breathing
Your fingertips drift across my ribs
Following tattoos like they’re exit wounds
And your hand over my heart
Feels less like comfort
More like checking if I’m still alive for you
Cause lately
I’ve been disappearing in pieces
Mentally vacant
Emotionally violent
Trying to love you while drowning quietly
⸻
[Pre-Chorus]
And you taste like cigarettes and devotion
The kind that ruins people slowly
The kind that makes suffering
Feel romantic
⸻
[Chorus]
You’re my anesthetic
Numb me until I forget
Every ugly thing inside my head
Every reason I should’ve been left behind
And I know this love is unhealthy
Two codependent ghosts in a bad dream
But your body against mine
Still feels like the closest thing to peace
So if I overdose on your affection someday
At least I’ll die understood
⸻
[Verse 2]
You tell me I deserve good things
In that soft voice that almost breaks me
Like somehow you still see light
Inside this collapsing machinery
But baby
You don’t know what it’s like
To hate yourself this completely
To need somebody so badly
It starts feeling parasitic
I think I’d let you carve your name
Into every inch of me
If it meant never waking up
To an empty side of the bed again
⸻
[Pre-Chorus]
Because abandonment feels holy
Compared to the fear
Of being fully known
And still not enough
⸻
[Chorus]
You’re my anesthetic
The only thing that quiets it
The static
The panic
The violence beneath my skin
And when your hand rests on my chest
Feeling my heartbeat lose rhythm
I swear the whole world fades away
Until it’s just us and the dark again
⸻
[Bridge]
Maybe this isn’t love
Maybe it’s mutual destruction with pretty words
Maybe we’re just lonely people
Confusing obsession for salvation
But when you whisper
“Stay with me”
Like your soul depends on it
How the hell am I supposed to leave?
⸻
[Outro]
So keep your hand over my heart tonight
Even if it scares you
Even if it shakes beneath your touch
And if I fall apart before morning
If my mind finally gives out
At least the last thing I felt
Was loved.
QXA