Backseat To My Own Life

[Verse 1]
Snap again
I see their eyes
Little faces freeze
Like, “who is this guy?”
I was just tired
Now I’m a storm
Words like knives
Cut through their calm
Sink in the sofa
Phone in my hand
Scroll to escape
But I’m stuck in the sand
Used to laugh easy
Used to feel light
Now I’m a ghost
At my own bedside
[Chorus]
I hate that I’m raising my voice at my kids
Then I’m praying they forget what I did
Miss being happy, miss feeling wanted
My own reflection got me haunted
I’m losing myself while I’m trying to guide
Smiling in photos, but broken inside
I just wanna hold them and learn how to live
I just wanna be better than this
[Verse 2]
You turn your back
Say “I’m just tired”
But I feel the distance
Like a cold, thin wire
We used to talk
In the dark, on the floor
Now it’s “goodnight”
And a half-closed door
Hands barely touch
When we pass in the hall
You say “I’m fine”
But I don’t feel at all
I’m scared you’re staying
Just for the bills
Scared I’m a burden
You carry uphill
[Chorus]
I hate that I’m raising my voice at my kids
Then I’m praying they forget what I did
Miss being happy, miss feeling wanted
My own reflection got me haunted
I’m losing myself while I’m trying to guide
Smiling in photos, but broken inside
I just wanna hold you and learn how to live
I just wanna be better than this
[Bridge]
I don’t want apologies
I want a chance
To breathe, reset
Rewrite this stance
May I fail softer? (yeah)
May I choose grace?
Kneel to their level
Look them straight in the face
Say “I’m so sorry
You don’t deserve that
You deserve safety
You deserve dad”
[Chorus]
I hate that I’m raising my voice at my kids
Then I’m praying they forget what I did
Miss being happy, miss feeling wanted
My own reflection got me haunted
But I’m not giving up, I’m still in the fight
Even in pieces, I’ll reach for the light
I just wanna hold us and learn how to live
I’m trying to be better than this (than this)

rap, Moody, introspective hip hop with warm Rhodes keys, dusty boom-bap drums, and deep, round bass; male vocals in a close, confessional tone. Verses stay intimate with sparse piano stabs and subtle vinyl crackle, hook blooms with stacked harmonies and a distant choir pad. Bridge strips down to keys and bass before the final chorus hits with bigger drums and ad-lib echoes, leaving space for raw emotion., hip hop, happy, sad