

Prompt / Lyrics
[Verse 1] Tracked down a guy who was there, asked him how it went He said "well, the weather was nice, I guess — maybe sixty percent" Said the preacher showed up drunk, got the name wrong twice Said the casket was the wrong color and the flowers had lice [Chorus] My funeral was mid — zero stars, would not recommend The eulogy was plagiarized, the music had no end Someone played a bagpipe solo that went on for forty minutes And the punchline? I wasn't even in it My funeral was mid, and that's the saddest part I died for nothing, came back to nothing And that's a work of art [Verse 2] They said six people showed up — three were just lost One thought it was a barbecue, ate all the sauce My ex-wife cried for thirty seconds, then checked her phone My best friend gave a speech that was mostly about a loan [Chorus] My funeral was mid — zero stars, would not recommend The eulogy was plagiarized, the music had no end Someone played a bagpipe solo that went on for forty minutes And the punchline? I wasn't even in it My funeral was mid, and that's the saddest part I died for nothing, came back to nothing And that's a work of art [Bridge — spoken, genuinely offended] You know what the worst part is? The sandwiches. [beat] I'm dead — was dead — and someone thought turkey on white was appropriate? No condiments? No pickles? Just... dry turkey? On white bread? [shakes head] I'd rather go back to hell. At least the devil had pretzels. [Instrumental break — guitar playing something that sounds like a bad funeral march, intentionally off-key] [Outro — sung, shrugging] My funeral was mid, but what'd I expect? I wasn't exactly the type to earn respect But still — a bagpipe? Come on, that's just rude Next time I die, I'm writing my own damn mood [spoken, fading:] ...and someone's bringing real sandwiches. [muttered:] ...turkey on white... [fade out with a disgusted noise]
Tags
Outlaw Country, male, Tempo: mid-tempo, sarcastic
3:53
No
4/14/2026