[Verse 1]
Tried to walk through the fire door, thought I'd sneak on in
A little guy with horns and glasses said "that's twenty, where you been?"
I laughed and said "I'm dead, pal, what's a currency down here?"
He said "souls or cash or credit, son — the sign is very clear"
[Chorus]
Hell has a cover charge and I didn't bring my wallet
Turns out damnation's got a two-drink minimum too
I offered him a joke, a song, a story 'bout a mule
He said "that's cute, now pay or leave — them's the only rules"
Hell has a cover charge
And I'm standin' outside
Lookin' through the window at the sinners havin' a terrible time
[Verse 2]
I saw my ex-wife dancin' with a demon by the fire pit
She waved at me and laughed and said "I told you you'd be shit"
I pressed my face against the glass, tried to look pathetic
The bouncer flicked my forehead and said "that ain't sympathetic"
[Chorus]
Hell has a cover charge and I didn't bring my wallet
Turns out damnation's got a two-drink minimum too
I offered him a joke, a song, a story 'bout a mule
He said "that's cute, now pay or leave — them's the only rules"
Hell has a cover charge
And I'm standin' outside
Lookin' through the window at the sinners havin' a terrible time
[Bridge — spoken, genuinely confused]
What kind of hell has a cover charge?
Isn't the whole point that you're trapped?
I've been standing here for forty minutes
Watching a guy get poked with a pitchfork for free
But I can't get in because I forgot my wallet?
[beat]
...I died in a ditch. I didn't exactly pack light.
[Instrumental break — awkward, shuffling. Like a man trying to dance his way past a bouncer and failing.]
[Outro — sung, defeated but still trying]
Hell has a cover charge and I didn't bring my wallet
So I'm sittin' on a rock outside
Watchin' flames through the socket
Every now and then a demon comes and asks me for a ID
I show him my death certificate
He says "sorry, that's a fee"
[spoken, fading:]
...gonna die again. just watch me.
[last chord. The sound of him kicking a rock. Then silence.]
AsheTheHyena
