Bipolar Panic

(Verse 1)

I saw the furrow in your brow, just a hint of a frown

And the sky turned charcoal, dragging me down

You didn't yell, you didn't scream, you just sighed my name

But my brain lit a fuse and lit the place in flame

I’m shaking like a leaf in a hurricane wind

Because the idea of you angry is where I begin

To unravel, to sever, to come loose at the seams

Stuck in a nightmare inside of a dream

(Chorus)

I hit the deck at the slightest discontent

My mind goes to war before the sentence is spent

It’s a bipolar panic, a chemical theft

Stealing the oxygen, stealing my breath

I feel the rejection like a knife in the gut

Before you even move, before doors are shut

I’m spiraling up, I’m spiraling down

Terrified I’m about to hit the ground

(Verse 2)

My heart rate triples, the room starts to spin

I’m drowning in air, I can’t sink or swim

It’s not just sadness, it’s not just fear

It’s a maniacal buzz ringing in my ear

"You hate me, you’re leaving, I’ve ruined it all"

My mind is screaming while I stare at the wall

I’m nine years old again, waiting for the blow

Now I’m thirty years old and with nowhere to go

(Bridge)

But I have to fight it, I have to stand

I have to grab hold of my own trembling hand

Look at the table, look at the book

Remind myself that my heart’s still hooked

One, two, three, I’m inhaling slow

I am more than the panic, more than the woe

You’re just frustrated, you’re not walking away

I have to stay in the body, I have to stay

(Guitar Solo - Erratic and nervous, resolving into a steady rhythm)

(Chorus)

I hit the deck at the slightest discontent

My mind goes to war before the sentence is spent

It’s a bipolar panic, a chemical theft

Stealing the oxygen, stealing my breath

I feel the rejection like a knife in the gut

Before you even move, before doors are shut

I’m spiraling up, I’m spiraling down

Terrified I’m about to hit the ground

(Outro)

The fog is lifting, I see your eyes

Please forgive me for the lies

That my head told me when I was lost inside

I’m sorry I panicked, I’m sorry I hide

Just give me a minute.

I’m coming back.

I’m here.