The Reflected Face in the Mirror / The Prodigal Son

It’s 3 am and my mind steady racin, 
I’m drowning in these thoughts and fears that only seem to hasten my mind and heart that I’m all alone in the dark, where did you go, I look to my left and you’re nowhere in sight, I look to my right and the door is closed, the alarm clocking climbing up in numbers while I trying to cool down my body to a slumber but it has to much heat, i put a part of myself out just for it to be eaten by the cold, is just like my soul, is there any hope, I know you JESUS but do you really have a place for me to go, a place for me to grow, all I see is failure all I am is a show that’s destined to be closed. I never wanted to be here, I never wanted to be alive, but I’m here with a soul that I cannot provide for, what am I alive for I wanna know. Everything I ever loved is nowhere close and everyone I believed in let me go, now I’m destined for four years to do as I’m told under contract, I grew up being hard to contact, there’s nothing special about me and my record clearly states that, I’m a rack, but not for your clothes, I’m a rack left in a basement where nobody goes just collecting rust and dust not even for show. I’m a room with nothing inside, a place where people often hide just tear me up and abandon every single night. My pillow can’t even comfort me its all worn out, torn like the curtain you left behind,  I am a mere use to be, I remember growing up looking forward to the future, couldn’t wait for what there was to see, now I’m a battered ship against the rocks lost at sea and I know there is nothing anyone can do to save me. It’s hard to find a job when you get older cause there’s plenty of the young, not even a felon on the run, yet I’m still waiting for your kingdom to come. When will it be here, when will you come, because I’m feeling worn out like a overused drum, pills and alcohol to help when I’m feeling numb, am I just a moldy crumb that even ants ignore, or a loose fitting on the closet door, irritating to hear but not enough to fix, none of these drugs could ever truly fix me, I still feel empty, the pills don’t work and the bottle doesn’t save, and I still have hope that you can spare some change, but I’m all alone, left in my room, I’m all I have, but whatever that I am I know it’s not good, but this is all that I am, is enough for the great I AM? Please come and tell me where I am cause my eyes are open in a dark room filled with water so I cannot stand, the bottle promises me another chance but every time I try I lose it all in a glance. Please GOD save me from where I am.

I feel upset. I am hurting, in deep anguish and sorrow. Some of it is me yelling out to GOD and the rest at myself.