[Intro – Light Holiday Jazz, Snarky Piano]
Ah yes…
the season of pretending we don’t notice the nonsense.
[Verse 1]
We’re strolling down the aisle, just looking for a sign,
But you’re parked in the center like it’s your personal shrine.
Phone out, head down, blocking left and right—
I swear you built a fortress made of pure spite.
We take a little detour, try to laugh it off,
But your smile comes around—sweet as frosted cough.
You say, “I’m not oblivious,” like that clears the air…
But babe, if that were true, you wouldn’t stand anywhere there.
[Pre-Chorus]
It’s fine, it’s cool, we’ll keep this civil…
But girl, you’re giving “holiday traffic level.”
[Chorus]
Not oblivious… just in the way,
Blocking joy like you were born to stay.
If awareness was a sport, you’d miss the play—
But hey, “have a great day,”
In your special holiday ballet.
Not oblivious… just in the way.
[Verse 2]
We’ve all been distracted, sure, it happens to the best—
But you weren’t checking shelves, you were taking a rest.
Standing like a snowman in the middle of the lane,
With a peppermint latte and one working brain.
We turn around again, just letting it slide,
But then you drop that tone—fake humble pride.
If confidence was Christmas, you’d be Santa’s sleigh…
But spatial awareness? Nah, not today.
[Pre-Chorus 2]
We’re keeping it festive, keeping it light…
But your passive-aggression’s shining way too bright.
[Chorus]
Not oblivious… just in the way,
Turning simple aisles into a Broadway play.
You ain’t clueless, you just like cliché—
That “I’m totally aware” display,
All wrapped in peppermint decay.
Not oblivious… just in the way.
[Bridge – Smooth Sax, Passive-Aggressive]
You heard us talk, and suddenly you cared,
Like a Hallmark villain caught unprepared.
But if you truly saw what you say you see…
Why were you planted there like a Christmas tree?
[Final Chorus]
Not oblivious… just in the way,
Holiday hero in your own display.
We’ll dodge, we’ll weave, we’ll still be okay—
But maybe next time choose a spot
Where people don’t have to pray.
Not oblivious…
just gloriously, fabulously, dramatically in the way.
[Spoken Outro – Calm, Classy, But Petty]
“Truly…
I hope she did have a great day.
And maybe next time…
a great sense of direction.”
TheTrinityOfMasks
