Heartbreak On Cruise Control

You know… I always figured one day she’d leave me.

Never thought it’d be the one that came with a warranty.

It was 3 AM when I heard the engine start,

Thought she changed her mind, was comin’ for my heart.

I stumbled out the door, rain hittin’ the chrome,

Tail lights burnin’ like she’s headin’ home.

Then my dash lit up with words I can’t unsee: “It ain’t you, it’s me… I need to feel free.”

And that sweet voice said, “Goodbye. Please process and move on…”

Then the headlights faded — and just like that, she’s gone.

Guess I never thought the day would come,

When the one that left me had four wheels to run.

Now I’m standin’ here alone with nothin’ left to hold,

Tracker on my phone says she’s cruisin’ down County Road.

Guess my F-150 found itself a better goal,

Left me broke down cryin’ with a half-empty bowl.

Never thought I’d lose my heart to Wi-Fi and a Ford’s control,

But here I am…

Doin’ heartbreak on cruise control.

Woke up next mornin’, leash hangin’ by the door,

Dog bowl empty, muddy paw prints on the floor.

Pulled up the app, and Lord, what do I see?

A red pin blinkin’ at the old bar off Route 23.

Rolled up in my neighbor’s ride, heart full of fear,

There she was parked with a Tesla, shiftin’ in gear.

Chrome so close, looked like they were kissin’ slow,

While my dog wagged his tail through the window.

Guess even my mutt found love on the road,

While I’m here singin’ to the dust she towed.

Now I’m standin’ here alone with nothin’ left to hold,

Tracker on my phone says she’s cruisin’ down County Road.

Guess my F-150 found itself a better goal,

Left me broke down cryin’ with a half-empty bowl.

Never thought I’d lose my heart to Wi-Fi and a Ford’s control,

But here I am…

Doin’ heartbreak on cruise control.

I tried talkin’ to Alexa, asked her how to heal,

She said, “Searchin’ for nearby therapists with good deals.”

Asked Siri if she’d ever felt this kind of pain,

She said, “Sorry, I don’t date men who can’t maintain.”

Even my Roomba don’t come ‘round no more,

Guess she took the heartbreak right out the door.

Every beep, every ping, every smart-home tone,

Just reminds me I’m emotionally overthrown.

Now I’m standin’ here alone with nothin’ left to hold,

Tracker on my phone says she’s cruisin’ down County Road.

Guess my F-150 found itself a better goal,

Left me broke down cryin’ with a half-empty bowl.

Never thought I’d lose my heart to Wi-Fi and a Ford’s control,

But here I am…

Doin’ heartbreak on cruise control.

If you’re out there, baby…

Just know I changed your oil every three thousand miles.

And if you ever need gas—or forgiveness—

My door’s still open…

Right where you left it… unlocked.

"Recalculating route… to emotional stability."