Gift Wrapped and Slightly Terrified

[Verse 1]
I woke up in November
In a factory line
Somebody stamped “For Grandma”
Right across my behind
They folded me in cardboard
Like a burrito of joy
I used to have ambitions
Now I’m “Suitable for ages 3+ boy”
[Pre-Chorus]
Got a bow on my ego
Price tag on my pride
I’m fragile and festive
And mildly terrified
[Chorus]
I’m a Christmas present, help, I can’t move
Been stuck under this tree since half past noon
All I see is pine and a cat that stares
Kid, just pick me first so I know you care
I’m a Christmas present, this is my fate
Please don’t fake a smile and ask for the receipt too late
[Verse 2]
I’ve heard all of the gossip
From the stockings above
Socks say they’re essential
Scarf says she’s “self-care love”
The candle thinks she’s artsy
Board game thinks he’s deep
I’m plastic, bright, and noisy
And I just want eight hours of sleep
[Pre-Chorus]
Your aunt wrapped me sideways
Your dad shook me twice
Your dog licked my corner
I did not consent to that life
[Chorus]
I’m a Christmas present, help, I can’t move
Been stuck under this tree since half past noon
All I see is pine and a cat that stares
Kid, just pick me first so I know you care
I’m a Christmas present, this is my fate
Please don’t trade me off for store credit and hate
[Bridge]
Maybe I’ll be your favorite thing
For like… three whole days (wow)
Then I’ll live behind the sofa
In the land of strays
But for one bright morning
When the paper flies
I’ll be center stage in your sleepy eyes (hey!)
[Chorus]
I’m a Christmas present, help, I can’t move
Been stuck under this tree since half past noon
All I see is pine and a cat that stares
Kid, just pick me first so I know you care
I’m a Christmas present, let’s make a deal
You give me your laughter, I’ll pretend I’m real

Bouncy acoustic pop with sleigh-bell sparkle and goofy male vocals; tight verses over strummy guitar and upright bass, pre-chorus adds handclaps and tambourine, chorus explodes with gang vocals and glockenspiel hits; playful stop-start breaks for punchlines, big tag ending with crowd-style sing-along, comedy