Gift Wrapped and Slightly Terrified

I woke up in November

In a factory line

Somebody stamped “For Grandma”

Right across my behind

They folded me in cardboard

Like a burrito of joy

I used to have ambitions

Now I’m “Suitable for ages 3+ boy”

Got a bow on my ego

Price tag on my pride

I’m fragile and festive

And mildly terrified

I’m a Christmas present, help, I can’t move

Been stuck under this tree since half past noon

All I see is pine and a cat that stares

Kid, just pick me first so I know you care

I’m a Christmas present, this is my fate

Please don’t fake a smile and ask for the receipt too late

I’ve heard all of the gossip

From the stockings above

Socks say they’re essential

Scarf says she’s “self-care love”

The candle thinks she’s artsy

Board game thinks he’s deep

I’m plastic, bright, and noisy

And I just want eight hours of sleep

Your aunt wrapped me sideways

Your dad shook me twice

Your dog licked my corner

I did not consent to that life

I’m a Christmas present, help, I can’t move

Been stuck under this tree since half past noon

All I see is pine and a cat that stares

Kid, just pick me first so I know you care

I’m a Christmas present, this is my fate

Please don’t trade me off for store credit and hate

Maybe I’ll be your favorite thing

For like… three whole days (wow)

Then I’ll live behind the sofa

In the land of strays

But for one bright morning

When the paper flies

I’ll be center stage in your sleepy eyes (hey!)

I’m a Christmas present, help, I can’t move

Been stuck under this tree since half past noon

All I see is pine and a cat that stares

Kid, just pick me first so I know you care

I’m a Christmas present, let’s make a deal

You give me your laughter, I’ll pretend I’m real