I Wish I Was the Same

(faint breathing, heartbeat)

Yeah…

Sometimes I wake up and I don’t even feel real anymore.

I just—

I just wish I was the same.

⸻

Wake up every day and it just feels repetitive,

Think I need a chill, I think I need a sedative.

Depression hittin’ heavy, man, I think it’s settin’ in,

Driftin’ through my mind, it settles deep just like sediment.

I coast alone down this road called life blindly,

Foolishly hopin’ for purpose to come and find me.

In the dark with my demons, I can’t confide in me—

The mirror looks back, and it don’t recognize me.

⸻

Yeah, I wish I was the same, but nowadays, I numb the pain,

It hurts me when my mother came, said, “You still okay?”

If I told her that I’m breakin’, she’d just pray I’ll change,

But I’m scared she’ll stop lovin’ me if she sees the stains.

Too tired to stay, too scared to leave,

Bullet in the metaphor, it’s hard to breathe.

I’m cryin’ behind walls, they don’t see me bleed—

Just wish the old me would come set me free.

⸻

I push away the people who tried to understand,

Then wonder why no one’s there to hold my hand.

I’m a ghost at the table, they don’t see my pain,

Just another smile I’m forced to maintain.

And every friend I had broke trust in their own way,

Left me talkin’ to the ceiling till it fades to gray.

I ain’t lookin’ for pity, just a reason to stay,

But the more I breathe, the more I fade away.

⸻

(half-sung, half-whispered)

Cut me open, I still don’t feel,

Scars are the proof that I’m barely real.

Lost in my head where the light won’t heal,

If I fall asleep, don’t let me feel.

(beat drops to silence, faint echo)

“Old me… if you’re listenin’… I wish you were here.”

⸻

I wish I was the same, but now I’m numb again,

Tryna fake a smile, tryna play pretend.

I told you how I felt, you said, “You’re lyin’ again.”

But I’m cryin’ in my sleep, man, this never ends.

Too scared to leave, too tired to stay,

So I write one more verse just to fade away.

And if tomorrow don’t come, I hope you’ll say—

He was lost, but he tried, in his own small way.

⸻

Yeah…

I wish I was the same.

But nowadays… I just numb the pain.

(fades out with echoing heartbeat + rain)