Me, These Drugs, and the Ghost of You

Yeah

Mm

Numb, numb

I’ve been mixing all my feelings with these drugs again

Heartbreak in my cup, let it flood again

Told myself I’d quit, then your name pops in

So I’m pouring up the pain just to feel something

Every line that I crush is a memory of you

Every puff that I take is a “we still cool?”

I know it’s killing me but I still come through

‘Cause being sober with this hurt feel worse than what I do

Pop one, hope it knock the pain out quick

Pop two, now I’m scrolling through our pics

Pop three, now the room start to drift

Can’t tell if it’s the high or the loss that hit

Lean in the Sprite turn my heart all purple

Trace our names like I’m stuck in a circle

Friends say chill, “you’ve been moving too hurtful”

But they ain’t feel the way your leaving turned me dirt, though

I don’t even like who I am off go

Off the pills I forget what I can’t outgrow

Laughing at texts that I wish you wrote

Then I wake up sick with a burnt-out throat

Throw up in the sink, wash down my sins

Say “never again” then I’m back by 10

Plug know my name like my only friend

He just count his cash while I fall again

Late night drive and I’m swerving off course

Got your voice in my head like a sad last chorus

You said “If you love me, you’ll take care of you”

Now I chase any high just to hide that truth

Mix my regrets with the smoke I blow

Tryna cover up the parts you’ll never know

Every pill on my tongue like a fake “I’m fine”

Every shot to the face just to blur the line

Group chat lit, but my soul offline

They don’t see me when I’m curled on the bathroom tile

Hugging on the floor like it’s holding me down

While I drown in a silence that’s still too loud

If I make it through the night, I just say “one more”

If I don’t, then I guess I was keeping score

Either way, I ain’t really even living no more

Just a heart in a body running back to the store

I know these drugs don’t love me back

I know this high just fade to black

But when your ghost come creeping back

I still reach for another pack

I’ve been mixing all my feelings with these drugs again

Heartbreak in my cup, let it flood again

Told myself I’d quit, then your name pops in

So I’m pouring up the pain just to feel something

Every line that I crush is a memory of you

Every puff that I take is a “we still cool?”

I know it’s killing me but I still come through

‘Cause being sober with this hurt feel worse than what I do

If I wake up, I’ll pretend I’m clean

If I don’t, you were just a dream

Either way, when the night runs through

It’s me, these drugs, and the ghost of you