STILL HERE SOMEWHERE
[Verse 1]
I wake up tired.
Not the kind that sleep can fix.
The kind that follows you to bed
and wakes up first.
The screen lights up.
Another morning.
Another number telling me
what yesterday was worth.
And I stare at my name
like it belongs to somebody else.
[Verse 2]
I talk.
I laugh when I'm supposed to.
My voice sounds normal through the headset.
That's the fucked up part.
Everything sounds normal.
The house is still here.
My family is still here.
There's a whole future sitting around me
waiting to happen.
And I'm sitting in the middle of it
trying to remember
when being alive started feeling
so much like watching.
[Pre-Chorus]
Because I'm here.
I know I'm here.
So why the hell
can't I feel myself anymore?
[Chorus]
I'm still here somewhere.
Under the noise.
Under the numbers.
Under every fucking thing
I'm scared I'll disappoint.
I'm still here somewhere.
I see him sometimes
in pictures,
in laughter,
in the seconds before my mind
remembers everything again.
Then he's gone.
And it's just me
trying to find him.
[Verse 3]
Everybody says tomorrow
like tomorrow is a promise.
To me it's another weight
I haven't lifted yet.
Another bill.
Another expectation.
Another chance to find out
I wasn't enough.
So I calculate.
Again.
And again.
And again.
As if numbers could tell me
everything will be okay.
They never do.
They just become different numbers.
[Pre-Chorus]
And I'm tired.
God, I'm tired.
Not of them.
Not of this life around me.
Of carrying this fucking storm
into every good thing
and pretending it isn't raining.
[Chorus — building]
I'm still here somewhere.
Under the fear.
Under the pressure.
Under the man I've convinced myself
I have to be.
I'm still here somewhere.
Maybe buried beneath
every time I turned
"I couldn't fix it"
into
"I wasn't worth enough."
I know those aren't the same thing.
At three in the morning
they sound exactly the same.
[Bridge — nearly silent]
Sometimes I hear my family laughing
from the other room.
And for a second
everything stops.
No numbers.
No tomorrow.
No measuring.
Just their voices.
And mine
somewhere inside me
trying to answer.
[Final Chorus — full band]
I'M STILL HERE SOMEWHERE.
I HAVE TO BE.
BECAUSE SOMETHING IN ME
STILL GETS UP.
STILL ANSWERS.
STILL MAKES PLANS
FOR ROOMS I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN YET.
STILL PICTURES SUMMER
BEFORE WINTER EVEN COMES.
SO WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
WHERE DID I GO?
HOW CAN A MAN KEEP BUILDING A LIFE
WHILE FEELING HIMSELF
DISAPPEAR
INSIDE IT?
[Extended Guitar Solo]
[Outro — acoustic, exhausted]
The screen goes black.
The house gets quiet.
And for a second
I can almost hear myself.
Still here.
Somewhere.
HumbleMike
