🔊 Intro (spoken, dead serious but slurring):
Okay, if it’s glowing, bubbling, or served from a Gatorade bottle with duct tape…
Don’t. Fucking. Drink it.
Unless you’re trying to taste colors.
🎤 Chorus
Don’t drink the blue one, babe — that ain’t Kool-Aid.
It’s half Jäger, half bleach, and three shades of grave.
If it’s in a shoe, or it’s hissing steam—
That ain’t hydration, that’s a lawsuit dream.
It’s not a seltzer, it’s not champagne,
It’s antifreeze with a candy cane.
🎤 Verse 1
I saw Tyler sipping from a Nerf gun cup,
Now he speaks in code and won’t shut up.
Jess found a jar labeled “Grandpa’s Heat,”
Drank it once, now she can’t feel her feet.
Kyle thought it was Gatorade G-Zero,
Woke up married to a garden flamingo.
🎤 Pre-Chorus (group chant, frat energy)
If it’s fizzing, smoking, glows in the dark—
Don’t drink it, bitch, that ain’t a spark.
If you found it in a cooler marked “???,”
You’re one sip away from “Oops, I’m dead.”
🎤 Chorus
Don’t drink the blue one, babe — no damn way,
It’s got three Red Bulls and a dash of spray.
Your liver’s cute, don’t make it scream,
That’s not a mixer, that’s a fever dream.
If it smells like regret and looks like pain—
Put it down, walk away, use your brain.
🎤 Bridge (rap-style, aggressive whisper):
Someone spiked the punch with “industrial spice,”
Now DJ Chad thinks he’s Jesus Christ.
Megan poured a shot from a mason jar,
Now she only speaks in air fryer ARs.
Don’t sip that slime, don’t chase that fizz,
If it came from the sink, you don’t know what it is.
🎤 Verse 2
I once drank a “mystery mix” from a hat,
Now I time travel every time I nap.
It had glitter, foam, and a candy cane,
And a post-it note that just said “PAIN.”
This ain't a dare, it’s survival, fam,
Respect your gut — or kiss your organs' jam.
🎤 Chorus
Don’t drink the blue one, babe — that’s a trap,
It’s not a cocktail, it’s a frontal slap.
It came in a boot, with dry ice steam,
That’s a potion brewed by someone’s meme.
Hydrate smart, don’t go full send—
Or your night might find its natural end.
🎤 Final Breakdown (spoken like a TED Talk on chaos)
If it’s neon, foamy, or labeled “DO NOT TOUCH”…
Maybe let that be your sign.
This ain’t Hogwarts.
You ain’t built like that.
🎤 Final Chorus (chant-style, crowd yell):
No glow! No foam!
No bleach! No chrome!
No “mystery green!” No “fermented tea!”
If it bubbles on its own — that shit ain't for me!
🎤 Mic Drop Outro (spoken, very sincere):
This PSA was brought to you by
Four hungover idiots, one life coach, and a guy named Blaze who no longer has eyebrows.
Party smart.
Drink clear.
And remember:
If you can’t pronounce it, don’t pour it.
