🔊 Intro (spoken, mock-serious like a school film)
This is your brain. 🧠
This is your brain on DIY cleaning tips from TikTok.
Do. Not. Mix. Shit. You. Don’t. Understand.
🎤 Chorus
Don’t make mustard gas in the sink, dumbass,
You’re not a chemist, you’re just high off your ass.
Bleach + ammonia = HELL CLOUD unlocked,
Now the hallway smells like a nuclear crock.
You wanted “clean,” but summoned doom—
Now the tiles scream and the plants left the room.
🎤 Verse 1
Becky said, “I saw it work on YouTube once,”
Now her house is banned in six whole fronts.
Kyle poured bleach in a pee-stained bowl,
Then added Windex ‘cause he “lost control.”
The fumes rose up, the lights went dim,
And now the goldfish has PTSD in the gym.
🎤 Pre-Chorus (mock chant with gas mask FX)
It’s not a potion, it’s not a brew,
It’s a biohazard made by you.
One’s for stains, one’s for death—
Mix ‘em wrong, and it’s your last breath.
🎤 Chorus
Don’t make mustard gas in your tub, bro, please,
That ain’t “deep clean,” that’s war crimes with Febreze.
Pine-Sol, bleach, and ammonia fumes—
Got your house smellin’ like Fallout rooms.
Want it fresh? Just spray, don’t mix—
Unless you like lungs doing backflips.
🎤 Bridge (rap-style, chemical flow):
One scrub’s fine, two’s a sin,
Add a third — now your soul won’t win.
You ain’t in Breaking Bad, you’re in Apartment 3C,
And now you’re banned from all of Home Depot, see?
You wanna clean grout, not kill a rat,
So put the Clorox down, and don’t be that.
🎤 Verse 2
Someone tried to “disinfect the floor,”
Now the kitchen glows and the roaches snore.
Jess mixed three sprays “just for the scent,”
Now the bathroom growls and the air vents bent.
You wanna go viral? Do a TikTok dance.
Not chemical warfare in underpants.
🎤 Final Chorus (yelled by a concerned crowd):
Don’t make mustard gas — it ain’t that deep!
Just mop the mess and go back to sleep.
Your lungs ain’t ready for a fume attack,
That ain't lemon fresh, that’s your final act.
If you mix that shit and you hear a hiss—
Guess what, genius? That’s your last kiss. 😵💫
🧻 Outro (spoken, gas mask on, wheezing)
This cautionary anthem was brought to you by:
One janitor, two ER nurses, and a goldfish with trauma.
Party clean. Party smart.
And if the bottle says “do not mix”—
DON’T MIX IT, YOU SCIENCE FAIR DROP-OUT.
