“Don’t Let Devon Ride With Me”
By: The Square Cow Crew
(Truck 35 Edition – Creepy Trap Anthem)
(Beat: Creepy bassline, awkward breathing, and uncomfortable trap vibes. Like if HR wrote a horrorcore mixtape.)
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[Intro – Joe (whispering nervously)]
Ayo…
Dispatch…
If you pair me with Devon again,
I’m clockin’ out and changin’ my name.
I don’t care if it’s a 5-star VIP move—
I’m not gettin’ in Truck 35 with that man.
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[Hook – Whole Crew Chantin’ Soft and Scared]
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He be breathin’ weird in Truck 35!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He licked a tape roll, then winked at me!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
I’d rather move pianos with my fkin’ knee!**
Don’t let Devon ride with me…
I swear he whispered “nice form” when I bent my knee!
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[Verse 1 – Dillon (setting the scene)]
Devon showed up wearin’ gloves too tight,
Told me, “Nice lift,” with his lips in the light.
Said “You smell like work”—bro, that’s sweat!
He wrote me a poem on a moving checklist!
He stare too long, always got that grin,
I said “back me up,” he said “say please again.”
Nahhh.
I don’t play that game.
Every time I turn, he know my name.
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[Verse 2 – Ethan (visibly traumatized)]
He be hummin’ in the truck with no music on,
Said “Let me guide the dolly”—bro, what’s goin’ on??
I was loadin’ pads, just mindin’ my back,
He said “you got them strong hands”—nope, that’s a wrap.
He complimented Joe’s “movin’ stance,”
Then asked if he “ever danced.”
Called dispatch, said “Switch me now,”
I’d rather mop bathrooms at Waffle House.
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[Hook – Now They Yellin’]
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He packin’ heat and unholy energy!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He rubbed a dolly and said “she missin’ me!”
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
I saw him sniff a box marked ‘socks & tea!’
Don’t let Devon ride with me…
He callin’ clients “mommy” on delivery!
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[Verse 3 – Brandon (straight up tired)]
Bro smiled when I fell off the ramp,
Said “I like when they struggle”—you a whole damn vamp.
He wrote “roommates?” on my timesheet pad,
And gave me a Lunchable like that makes it less bad.
Devon got eyes like he see your sins,
Told me, “One day we’ll move again.”
What that mean, bro??
Nah, I ain’t waitin’.
I’ll transfer branches, no hesitation.
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[Outro – Joe (nervous and serious)]
He showed up to the team lunch with wine…
Said he brought it “for the vibes.”
Asked if he could “spot me on my core.”
Bro, this is a moving job, not adult decor.
And if dispatch puts him in Truck 35 again?
I’m settin’ that thing on fire.
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[Final Hook – All Crew Chantin’ in Unity]
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
I ain’t tryna be on his fantasy team!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
Truck 35 got trauma built in the beams!
Don’t let Devon ride with me…
Or I’m fakin’ an injury and flyin’ to Belize!
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[Fade Out – Devon Breathing, Creepily]
DEVON (offbeat, whispering):
“You wrap the corners so… tight.”
[Tape gun clicks. Truck door slams. Sirens in the distance.]
KennyT69
