New Hire New Fire

“New Hire, New Fire”

(Beat: Smooth 90s R&B/rap hybrid, think “Ignition Remix” meets “Trapped in the Closet”)

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Kurt was just tryna hire strong backs.

Good workers. Dependable dudes.

But somewhere between the dolly and the paperwork…

His heart got involved.

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[Verse 1 – Kurt (singin’ it like Usher with a clipboard)

Saw him walk in with the uniform fresh,

Forearms bulgin’, vest tight on the chest.

Asked “You lift heavy?”—he said, “Of course.”

I said, “You start Monday…”

Now I’m buyin’ him Dior.

Had a dolly in one hand, my soul in the other,

I swear to God he picked that fridge up like my mother.

Now every new hire, it’s happenin’ again…

I hired a mover but I gained a boyfriend.

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[Hook – Whole Crew In the Background

“Kurt keeps hiring black guys…

And fallin’ in love each time!”

“Said it’s for the team, but we all know the theme—

Kurt crushin’ hard like it’s Valentine’s!”

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Kurt out here like “We need strong help,”

But he pickin’ with his heart, not the résumé shelf.

Said “We need muscle,” nah bro—be real,

You just tryna hire love in a Polo and steel.

Told one dude, ‘You’re a team asset’—

Whole crew saw him blush, now we placein’ bets.

Every time a new dude walks through the door,

Kurt in the breakroom singin’ “Say no more.”

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[Bridge – Ethan Talkin’ St]**

He said “I like leadership potential.”

Nah bro… you like chest day and deep voices.

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[Verse 3 – Kurt (back at it)

I can’t help it… I need good staff,

But when he said “Yes sir,” I forgot to do math.

I gave him three uniforms, extra gloves,

And maybe, just maybe… a box of Dove.

I be checkin’ references and checkin’ his smile,

Watchin’ him lift while I daydream awhile.

Call me unprofessional? Maybe that’s true…

But I scheduled him five days. What else could I do?!

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“Kurt keeps hiring black guys…

And fallin’ deep each time!”

“Whole branch know what’s up—he ain’t slick with that cup—

He refillin’ THEIR water like it’s fine wine!”

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“Yeah uh… we thought we were just growin’ the crew.”

“But Kurt over here buildin’ The Bachelor: Warehouse Edition.”

“Next applicant better show up with a bench press and a restraining order.”