The Fish’s Bargain

(Verse 1)
I hauled in my net with a grunt and a swear,
And found a fat mackerel with moss in his hair!
He looked at my gut and he looked at my nose,
And he spoke like a posh lad in seaweed and clothes.
"I’ve a bargain!" he squeaked, with a flick of his tail,
"A riddle for freedom, or rot in your pail!"
(Chorus)
So heave away, boys, for the fish is a liar!
His brains are in mud and his fins are in fire!
If I win, I get gold from a dead pirate’s chest,
If I lose, he gets rum and the shirt off my vest!
(Verse 2)
"What's got a big mouth but can't say a word?
What's wetter than spit and more foul than a bird?"
I scratched at my beard and I thought of the Cook,
Or the backside of Barnaby stuck on a hook!
"It's the Captain!" I yelled, with a toothy old grin,
But the fish only laughed through his slimy old fin!
(Chorus)
So heave away, boys, for the fish is a liar!
His brains are in mud and his fins are in fire!
If I win, I get gold from a dead pirate’s chest,
If I lose, he gets rum and the shirt off my vest!
(Verse 3)
"The answer," he bubbled, "is the bilge in your hold!
Now hand me your bottle and hand me your gold!"
He drank all my grog with a gurgling sound,
And he flipped me the bird as he dived for the ground!
He didn't leave silver, he didn't leave maps,
Just a pile of fish-piss and some salty old craps!
(Chorus)
So heave away, boys, for the fish is a liar!
His brains are in mud and his fins are in fire!
If I win, I get gold from a dead pirate’s chest,
If I lose, he gets rum and the shirt off my vest!
(Outro)
Never trust a fish with a riddle to tell,
He’ll take all your liquor and leave you in hell

Gravelly lead, beer-clinking percussion, boisterous male choir, raw vocal texture, seafaring humor